I am often overwhelmed by the thought that I am not what I was supposed to be, what I always thought of myself, how I wanted to be as an adult. Life is quite simple and it’s only me who says it’s So Not Simple. I was born and taught the few basic rules and guidelines, I was educated and told how my God wants me to be and how my Parents want me to be.
I think of myself as somebody who has forsaken everything, taken every blessing for granted and never thanked and valued the love that I’ve got. As I transferred all the thoughtfulness and a bit of regret on a piece of paper, it turned out to be something like this:
Escaping from who I really am,
As the world could never know,Refraining from all that I desire,
As these eyes can never say,Buried all the tremors inside,
As their touch would make me weak,Hiding behind the walls of glamour,
As I forgot that He knows it all,Loving you was just an escape,
And betrayal, an excuse… A second escape,
Another escape from who I really am,
As the world could never know,Running away from all the prickly sins,
As my darkness would kill me inside,Living inside a shell enclosed,
As I ignored how He told me to be,Ruling my own philosophy of life,
As I forgot what I was meant to be,Forsaking my own purpose of existence,
.. Alas! I lost the real ‘Me’…
Very strong emotional evaluation going on here… it’s wonderful to contemplate so deeply, like you are holding a mirror up to your soul! Bravo! Without this effort, no change can take place. Keep it up! ;^)
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I am just hoping for the change within me. I am struggling through my moods, my temper and everything. Remember me in your prayers.
Thank you for your precious time.
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Yes, it was the change within that I was thinking of, too. I have the same stuggles, I’m an introvert, too, and spend too much time thinking… but there’s a question here of self discipline when we have to keep moving – action is always better than inaction, point yourself in the right direction and just keep putting one foot in front of the other – the change will come because you already know you want it! ;^)
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In.Sha.Allah 🙂
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