Today yet again I share the same statement as I do before everything I post. Okay, so I haven’t been able to post for the past seven months blah blah blah (fill it in yourself 🙂 ). This time it wasn’t my studies, exams or mood swings (i hate to say that) so, I had been terribly ill (ground breaking/ shaking illness as I call it) for the past six months straight. A rather contagious illness actually, I’ll be discussing it in the next post this week since this post isn’t at all about that. So, no writing, sketching and painting for the past months however, a previous work that holds immense value to me would be shared here.
After several rough patches, physical and emotional breakthroughs and misery finally, I am back on my track and have started doing and enjoying things i used to do before. So presenting an eagle sketch on sketch paper. Dark charcoal on paper (cant recall the dimensions.. oops!).
This one is among the very few sketches which didn’t take much time and were made instantaneously. Moreover, with this (and many more other things) I believe that the things done and decisions made instantaneously are often more rewarding than those with long term planning. (Trying to work on it in my life as well.. lets hope so).
Enveloped and Enclosed .. Shelled .. Concealed.. Imprisoned
In the time that we live in, nothing can be more enclosed and enveloped than our own heart, our mind, our thoughts, our desires and ourselves.
Talking about myself as my Father sarcastically describes me ,”Concealed, shelled and Introverted”. Yeah things are like that from the beginning. And as I’ve mentioned here again and again that expressing things is something that I am really really not good at. Being like this feels good but yeah I am a hell difficult of a person to know and understand. I am hell unpredictable in terms of temper and expressions.
I’m now in Final year of my Pharmacy School and according to my fellows they still could never know much about me. They face difficulty in figuring out my expressions and to them it was initially an unexpected thing that I do feel upset about little things which do not affect others.
Well, this uncertainty of mind and unpredictability in behavior is even alleviated in times of stress (which I am in from a couple of days), whether it be self created or just God-gifted. I do believe in self-created problems, exaggerations and stuff and I do believe that I make them too. Somebody once said it right … “Life is all just a matter of Perception”.
Yeah and there are a few things that change your perception.. the way you take things, the way you look at them, the way you interpret them and the way you think about them whether that be optimistically or pessimistically.
One way or the other we all are prisoners of our hearts and minds. Our soul was set free by the Creator but our thoughts are still captured and entrapped within ourselves. I feel this within myself. A huge mingled puzzle within my mind .. entrapped and constantly flipping between whether its “Yes” or “No”, in everything that is due and everything that is not, everything that is mandatory and everything that is not, everything that is to be valued and everything taken for granted, everything to be remembered and everything forsaken and for everything that is imposed upon me by myself.
I am my own prisoner and my own owner as I see. I own myself but still I retaliate. I work for myself but yet I work against my own.
Never have i dealt with anyone more difficult to know than myself, Never have i heard a sound more difficult to hear than my own,
Before you or after you — all mere excuses,
Before you, I saw the apparent colors of realm,
After you- I learned to hear the colors within me,
But never have i seen colors intermingled as those within me,
And never have i read a mind as fickle as mine may be.
I’ve seen people bleed,
With everything they do they bleed emotions,
And emotions taking over, with everything they do,
But never have i seen a heart as detached as mine,
And never have i seen a bleed more hollow than mine,
I’ve seen tears spill,
The eyes all wet,
And as people cry with every failed try,
But never have I seen an eye more dormant than mine,
And never have I heard of tears more ghostly barren than mine.
I know the power of words,
And the beauty that they hold within,
I know the wounds just tongue can heal,
But never have i seen the words more unavid than mine,
And never have i heard a Scream more Silent than mine,
Never have I dealt with anyone more difficult than myself..
A dedication to all the words that cross your mind during dark days. A dedication to your endless reluctant and hesitant tries to console yourself, to the hopes developed out of the most hopeless situations, and to yourself when you really were by the wrath of time. When at the end it is between YOU and Yourself….
A person lost within me ,call her name she might respond, Tell her she has a home, she might look beyond,
Tell her bad days always pass, Tell her bad dreams don’t last, Tell her its not always the night, And at the end the sun will rise,
Tell her the Aayah as she may please, “Indeed with every difficulty there is ease” (Al Qur’an 94:6) Tell her there is a cure for every pain, And an apology for each disdain,
Tell her it’s all up to you, Just to test what you do,
‘You might stay firm and let the storm move past, or You may loose yourself and depart with the storm at last.’
The painting used in this post was just a random painting that caught my attention in my college library and later on I found it to be one hell of a perfect interpretation with reference to my context.
It is by an artist named Haroon ben Abid .I find this painting, the vibrant colors, the true artistic virtues, the expressions and the silent message it gives .. all very deep and impressive.
You can check out his other paintings and sketches at his Facebook page linked below.
So it has been a year since I started blogging or I guess even a few months more than that.
Initially I was kind of regular in writing and updating things but eventually due to shortage of time I just couldn’t. Now I visit this blog not much frequently and I post just occasionally.
From day one it was just kind of a coincidence that whatever I used to write or paint/sketch was somehow related to the Writing or Photo Challenges.
And since then it has been a series of consecutive coincidences .. Whatever I write or draw is linked to the Weekly Challenges.
I like it this way 🙂
This time I am just flashing back at one of my previous sketches. Again a sunset because sunsets are simple and the best indication of warmth, beauty, hope, determination and diminishing disappointments.
The idea behind this sketch was just the glory of mother nature .. a huge tree and that’s it. Simple and short.
But in the process I eventually started adding yellow, red and orange .. finally making it a sunset again.
From a long blogging gap to a sudden urge to write, to create, to express.. Here I try writing again. Like I mentioned in the previous post that my creativity is taking a long nap these days and unfortunately it’s nap isn’t just over yet. Again whenever I pick up a pen words just don’t come up … Anger, frustration, gloom and uncertainty all mingled up. I can’t write and I am not in a mood to do even the little things that I used to love before.
What is that?
Why is that?
Well I can’t just write much so I just decided to post something for the Photo Challenge.
With these zigzags I remember a random painting that I made about 7 years ago.
These were just random brush strokes just to finish up the last remains of Glass paints, Poster paints and Water colours that I had so that I could buy the new ones. Yes … I am greedy in terms of Art and Craft stuff.
I have even used Nail paints in this painting .. Yes I know I act like a lunatic at times. So finally I succeeded in making a mess out of a plain white paper of my old sketch book.
Here goes the fine strokes of Glass paints.And for the final one.
What do I actually mean by “a part of me?” .. How was that broken???… Who broke it??… Why did he/she do that?? ... Well a few questions are always left unanswered.
A few months or probably a year back when I started writing this poem I had no idea where would it turn and where would it make me stand. A few disasters of your life are buried inside you and even you don’t have any idea how deep they have penetrated your soul. They worst thing about writing up your mind is that it even makes you write about the things, the past chapters of your life that you don’t even wanna think of.
Although in my writings I seem like an emotional person but in life I am not or may be it’s just that I express my emotions only through writing. This poem was written for my Best friend on our 6th friendship anniversary… Okay I know nobody celebrates friendship anniversaries but Yessss! We do. Tears rolled down my eyes while writing it all and I never thought I could be that sensitive.
Anyways I never planned to write a whole story but eventually it turned out to be one. Nevertheless I am still happy with the way it has turned out to be.
Busy in my whimsical day,Found a few pieces on my way,
Broken ,segmented & torn,A symbol of resilience in the morn,
I picked them up with a sigh,Hid my face, so they won’t see me cry,
Held every fragment in my hand,& ran back home as I couldn’t stand.
Ambivalent… Wondering how to fill the gap,
I arranged them all in my lap,
Fixed every bit with everything i had,
Mended with all the love,a delirious person can have,
Glued all the scratches,removing defection,
It smiled back at me,waving with affection,
Then time traveled,eclipse passed and the glaciers melted,
Glues dried,pieces joined and the wounds wilted,
That night,I imagined how beautiful it had been in the past,
When i roused up it wasn’t where it was kept,
I recalled how i struggled for it to be corrected,
Then i saw something familiar,
As it had been resurrected,
It turned out to be a beauteous frame,
With it’s heart bulging and writing my name,
It was more enchanting than my imagination last night, I took a steady step and got amused with delight,
I saw myself in a charming frame,
It was a mirror,written with my name, YES!!..it was you my little ME,
More than just precious than anything could ever be..
After several months of delay, finally yesterday I got a chance to visit the nearby art shop to buy my paint stuff. Initially I decided to buy water colours for sketching but I could not afford that since I do not get enough pocket money. Okay! It may seem like I am complaining but actually I am not. I know my parents are giving me THEBEST they can but since I don’t earn for myself so I am always deficient of the money thing. But over the years I have actually adapted and learned to cope up and live with whatever I have and I just thank my Lord enough for everything.
Anyways I saw water colour pencils of all shades and decided to buy a few as an alternative since they were cheaper and I had no doubt on the quality as well. Yet again I could not afford all of them so I just took a few shades of blue.
I am always very eager and excited to use any art thing that I buy so immediately after reaching home I started off with the blues. Just a rough piece of paper and a few sea waves.
The colours don’t seem pretty much obvious in the picture but I actually spent 2 hours while doing this all. I know 2 hours are just too much but I am quite a slow and thrift one in these things.
Although I’ve not been currently involved in any of art related activities so far mainly because of my exams and chiefly because of my mood swings you can say.I decided to share some of my previous sketches.
Drawing horses has always been challenging.Their thigh region,their muscular structure and their belly is not as easy to get right at the very first go.I had a hard time drawing their belly,I erased it for like more than ten times before I was satisfied.
This site mentioned in the end has been a tremendous help to every feature and every posture of the horse I desired to draw.Okay so this has been the first sketch so far.I like it and I had the same image in mind while making it.
Another one that I made was a total mishap.I didn’t like it and it did not turn out to be exactly how I wanted.The main idea was to draw a unique horse posture so I selected two horses in an upright galloping position as indicated in this picture.
I tried to make a few changes in the faces and the posture but Alas! not too good. So i entitled it as “So afraid of Making mistakes”.
Although my sketch didn’t come out to be up to that mark but still I am sharing it because I think you should share your mistakes as well with your achievements and capability in your work.
And lastly here is a collage of Eight different horses in different postures. It involves horses in real life and a few ones from fictional characters like the Pegasus and the Unicorn.
I have only used 2B,4B,6B and 8B pencils and no charcoal.
As I lie silently all covered with my blanket right after midnight, I felt like a sudden urge to write something.Getting up and grabbing a set of pencils and a notepad was actually more troublesome than the writing itself since it’s winters here and in these days everybody is so in love with the warmth of their blankets.Anyways I wrote a piece of poetry sort of a thing.
Sometimes when I write,a part of me feels that I am not blunt enough on my point and nobody is actually gonna get what I meant exactly.I felt like this especially on this specific part of poetry.
They said humans have roots, I tapped my feet hard on the ground, So I laughed and giggled, Until I had a storm within me.
They said your roots make you stand upright, I broadened my chest arrogantly, So I laughed and giggled, Until I had the faith shaken within me.
They say with hollow roots you fall with the wind, I jumped sarcastically with the wind, So I laughed and giggled, Until I felt something knocking the spirits within me.
My trembling hands and the bleeding heart within, The shaken soul encountered all Fears with a grin, My fears made me feel my roots exist, My mind had doubts,but they still persist.
Like plants they are competent,yet weakened but have all that I possess, So Mr.Fear my spirits,my will and my faith are not as easy to suppress.
“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. It matters that you don't just give up." - Stephen Hawking (Died March 14th 2018 on Albert Einsteins Birthday & on the same day Galileo died. R.I.P. You Will Be Missed . . . )