Gratitude, Gratitude!- My Life with Tuberculosis

Sleeping at one corner of my bed as my eyes slightly opened to the sound of the nurse pushing a trolley of medicines and drip sets. It was my 4th week in the hospital and I was afraid I have no spot left on my hands and arms for the next cannula.

Tuberculosis Life

Was I actually feeling better?

That is a question I asked myself several times just with a hope to get a satisfactory answer. I never got one and I am still ambiguous about how I felt those days. My immediate answer to everybody and every nurse was always,

“I am good, I am fine”.

But that wasn’t actually true. The picture shows how Tuberculosis changed me within a span of few months and answers a question that I had in mind.

“How does a Tuberculosis patient look like?”

This picture answers all those questions. Bones and bones is how a Tuberculosis patient looks like. It was a time when I was even afraid to look into the mirror and the front camera had been a torture in itself. The hair that I adored were reduced to one third and I feared I might go bald from this Anti Tuberculosis Chemotherapy. And yeah posing for pictures makes them even more absurd (like this one). As scary as this picture seems to me but at the same time I don’t want to delete it ever. I’ve kept it as a reminder of the days which have passed and how I went through everything.

So, that day a nurse figured it out through my expressions and told me directly,

“You are not always okay when you tell us so”.

I was partially shook and despite that I responded;

“I tell you every time that I am okay just so that I may feel better. And just with a hope that I will be okay one day.”

She responded with a prayer asking for my health and well-being and smiled with empathy. I could never decide whether it was actually empathy or pity but it did bother me a lot after that. I never wanted pity for myself, yeah I wanted care, consideration, empathy, hope, companionship but not pity. I reconsidered my behavior and thought process that day and came to the conclusion that in this pool of misery what I needed the most is “Gratitude

Gratitude became the new philosophy of my life and disease.

When I got discharged from the hospital for the first time I made a video reminding me how I made through. I never thought I would be sharing it here but I am doing it anyhow. The rest of the story is explained in the video itself.

Six Word Saturday

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23 Comments

      1. Start very slowly, dear. Few seconds at a time, go on for a month then if only do much. But don’t do if you have difficulty. Just mind normal breathing consciously. You can do it lying down also, always in whatever posture you are comfortable. Lo! again…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That will be good. Keep on doing something or anything. Try to be happy. When I was in hospital, I realized that there were so many in worse condition than me. You like drawing or music? Delightful to soul.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yeah, I do realize that there are people who are going through a lot more than me. I love to paint, write and sketch but due to excessive vertigo and mental confusion I could do neither of them. I am currently working on so many things and I’ve started job again as well.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Goodness, you have been through so much. This is inspirational. There are so many people dealing with serious illness on a day-to-day basis and I think they would really benefit from your complete honesty. You are clearly a strong and tenacious individual! Thank you for sharing this!

    I also wanted to let you know how beautiful your blog is, I love the theme and layout you have chosen. It is very effective!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for popping by and taking out the time to write to me.
      I spent considerable time browsing through disease stories and experiences when I was hospitalized and what I noticed at that time was that in between the frustration, positivity has been buried beneath somehow. I believe by writing it all someday a patient like me would read my story and realize how diseases can serve as reminders and silent re-uniters .
      Thank you again for the appreciation. I would love to visit you too 🙂

      Like

      1. That is a beautiful thing you did. You have been through so much and it is incredible that you use your experience to fuel positivity for the future. You are an inspiration.

        Like

  2. That’s sad to hear about what had happened to you but I’m so proud that you have overcome that crisis. You are a great model to others who have encountered the same path. I hope the best for you! Keep going!

    Like

  3. Wow, I was very moved reading your post and watching your video! Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest and sharing this with us. I wish you a speedy and full recovery ❤

    Like

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