Tag Archives: relationships

Mental Suffocation- Our proud Heritage

Heritage.. well..

When I first read the word and it’s association with ancient buildings and such stuff through daily post, it didn’t strike me much honestly. I couldn’t link heritage to places and moments for that particular instinct instead I had something else in mind.

The first thought that popped in my mind was what actually is my heritage?

Heritage may not be essentially a positive entity representing you or passed on to you. In my case I believe it’s mostly negative or there can be a probability that I prefer focusing on the negativity only. We (that includes me and my two younger siblings) share the view that we have inherited some psychological traits from our family tree. Well.. that includes passivism, passive-aggression, introvert-ness, submissiveness and mental suffocation. I don’t know what mental suffocation means to you but I comprehend it as a semi-deliberate act of piling things up (things you dislike) in your mind and heart until it just explodes one day. One possible reason for such traits can be that my fore-family have gone through financially as well as socially challenging times hence perpetuating such characteristics within them. Anyway, things are way better now with my maternal and paternal aunts and uncles. I remember my father telling me that back when they used to live with my grand parents, negotiation was just a matter of imagination only. There was no concept of sharing interests, experiences and advises, instead everybody was distant and busy with their own activities.

We as siblings, on the other hand, had our differences and remained distant until I was like about 17 years of age. Soon after that we started sharing things and realized that one way or the other we all possess the same level of mental suffocation passed on by our late family. Things that you think wrongly but would never expose. Passivism that takes hold of your mind and gradually darkens your heart and soul. It was then that we decided that no matter what we’ll share, we’ll negotiate and sort things out. No matter how much we fight we won’t stab each other in the back. No matter how many differences we have, we will never disclose them in front of a third person.

There are bad days, huge arguments at times but we still get through. All three of us are very different people on the outside yet concealed, difficult, enveloped and suffocated on the inside. We have bad temper, a roller coaster of mood swings and passive-aggression…. Anyhow, we still manage each other pretty well 🙂
(At least that’s what I believe and I would absolutely like to believe)

With the same thoughts mingling in my mind, I wrote this about more than a year ago.

The mind speaks louder.

Never have i dealt with anyone more difficult to know than myself,
Never have i heard a sound more difficult to hear than my own,

 Before you or after you — all mere excuses,
Before you, I saw the apparent colors of realm,
After you- I learned to hear the colors within me, 
But never have i seen colors intermingled as those within me,
And never have i read a mind as fickle as mine may be.
I’ve seen people bleed,
With everything they do they bleed emotions,
And emotions taking over, with everything they do,
But never have i seen a heart as detached as mine,
And never have i seen a bleed more hollow than mine,
I’ve seen tears spill,
The eyes all wet,
And as people cry with every failed try,
But never have I seen an eye more dormant than mine,
And never have I heard of tears more ghostly barren than mine.
I know the power of words,
And the beauty that they hold within,
I know the wounds just tongue can heal,
But never have i seen the words more un-avid than mine,
And never have i heard a Scream more Silent than mine,
Never have I dealt with anyone more difficult than myself..

Into the ‘Past’ as I Reflect

What the Mirror shows from ‘Past’.

You guys randomly start talking one day on the phone.
He compliments you & tells you that you sound pretty & cute.
He asks you about your past relationship & you ask him about his.
You then share & tell him more stories about your past & he tells you about his.

He starts flirting with you & you start flirting back.
Then he asks you for you to meet and you planned it right away.
He tells you he has fever but he would still come to meet you.
He had fever he was sick but still he stood waiting for an hour just for you.
He said he knew you’ve committed so you’ll come.

Soon talking to him becomes a part of your daily routine & you wait for him everyday to text you.
Whenever you receive something from him, you start smiling & your day instantly becomes better.
He talks to you daily asking how your day went.
You talk to him all night & he always asks if you are tired & if you want to go to bed.
The night conversations you have with him are always the best & the deepest.
You sleep when he sleeps & he sleeps when you sleep.
Now he wants to meet up & hangout with you.

When you meet up with him, you feel even more chemistry with him & you feel butterflies in your stomach every time you talk to him.
Now you tell your friends how much of an amazing guy he is & you are interested in him.
Soon he confesses that he is interested in you & you tell him we are just friends.
You like his reaction whenever you make him realize that we are just friends.
It gives you a clinge of how much he wants you.
You feel like you’re the happiest girl alive & the feeling is so strong between you guys.

You spend whole days and nights thinking of him and imagining what he would have been doing now.
He always tells you before hanging up the phone “Just take care of yourself”.
He tells you to have some rest whenever you tell him about your regular kidney pain.
And you tell him to please just stop smoking.
He says he tried and will try again.

He tells you again and again that many girls are after him.
Then hours and hours are spent listening to the stories of other girls.
You realize that he is doing that on purpose.
You get irritated but just would never show.
You thought about doing the same to him but just couldn’t.
There could not have been any other guy that you could even imagine … Except HIM.

He criticizes the nudity promoted in the films.
He says he denies to be a part of the crowd.
You consider him different and had no doubts.

You get annoyed when friends tease you by his name.
Still you smile just because it’s His name.
You never tell him how you actually feel.
You realize “Denial is another form of acceptance”
Just because you fear that you’ll loose him some day.
You start ignoring him just to escape from what you feel.
He is amused, disappointed; but just vain enough to ask.

The ignorance is breaking you from inside.
He stops putting effort into talking to you.
You think he is angry because of what you did.
He stops telling you to take care of yourself.
And responding positively when you tell him not to smoke.
You cry at nights, you’ve never felt that way.
You used to laugh at the love birds in school and see now you deserved to be laughed upon.

Benedict Smith

Your friend is sick and tired and one day what she did.
Without even telling you, she called Him and told him all.
Your phone rang that night and you did not have the courage to talk.
It rings and rings again. Yet again and again.
He would never give up.
You picked up and had no words.

He asked “Why did you do that?”
As you said “You told me we are just friends”
“No, you told me this way… I LOVE YOU”
You would reply “Me too”
He said ..”What you too?? I wanna hear you saying it all”
“I’VE LOVED YOU SO MUCH AND STILL I DO”, you had a difficult time saying that.
The night passed in thinking and you consider it one of the best nights of your life.

You talk happily for hours and you wonder how time passes when he’s around.
He tells your friend he’s afraid your family wont like him.
You just smile …. Yeah he looks cute you think.
He asked you one day “If you loved me then why you never seemed jealous when I discussed other girls?”
You would just smile and tell him you knew he had been criticizing them all long.
If he was interested then he wouldn’t have discussed them as a joke with you.
He laughs and says “You are smart”.

He suddenly stops texting you first.
When you guys talk now it’s only because you hit him up first.
He would start argumenting quite often.
It became more often these days.
Things changed & you don’t understand what unexpectedly happened.
He doesn’t show that he still wants to be with you.
He would call once in a week and just talk about sex.
You try to change the topic but he is still clinged to the same.

You are afraid of the lust in his voice.
He never seemed that needy.
You are afraid that he can do anything to get what he wants.
He shows no interest in you or your relationship.
Every time he talks its just about sex and nothing else.

You become extremely clingy & you don’t know what to do.
You can’t help wondering what went wrong.
You ask him if anything is wrong & he tells you that everything is fine.
Then you start thinking he’s mad at you for something you did,
but he assures you that you need to relax & everything’s okay. He tells you that he’s just been busy
. So you wait for a while & nothing is changing.

He’s still “busy” all the time & he doesn’t even try to talk to you.
Now every time you talk to him except sex it becomes an argument.
& you get scared that you are being annoying for hitting him up first, so you stop talking to him.
Months pass, & you don’t talk to him at all.

You never know what happened from his point of view.
Because of him, every night you’re hurt & upset.
You don’t know what went wrong in the relationship between you two.
  You miss the old person he used to be & you don’t even know what he has changed into.
He tells you not to post on his Facebook as his family would make an issue out of it.
You feel strange but its just that you trust him blindly.

One day you see that he has a new girl in his life.
He’s calling her cute names & everything he used to tell you.
He calls her baby & tells her that he thinks she’s beautiful.
He smiles and laughs while she kisses him.
He has no problem when she writes on his Facebook.
He seems completely fine without you now & he has someone else to talk & text to every day & night.
You refuse to believe that he played you, but it’s true.

You just say nothing and walk away silently.
Because “Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing is the same”
You’re still hurt &  everything you do reminds you of him.
You can’t stop thinking about him & you cry every night when your thinking about him.
You watch the sky and tell GOD that
“I have been a sinner .. Forgive me for all that I thought and all that I do”

You’ve changed it all.
You don’t consider any guy different now.
You don’t let other people govern yourself and your life.
You don’t let other people know hoe you feel.
You live your own life.
You do whatever your mind says is good for you.

“Because whatever is meant to be will happen anyways”

Weekly Photo Challenge: Reflecting

An Absolute Second Chance in Life

From many years I’ve been hearing that there is no second chance in Life, no second chance in Love and no second chance in relations and trust.

Talking about myself I am not practically in favour of giving second chances. Theoretically I say that we being humans make many mistakes and they need to be forgiven but when it comes to practical application I am always the opposite way.

Yes at times I do give second chances but only and only to those who mean a lot to me. By a lot I seriously mean A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

Anyways I was talking about Second chances in Life. Not everybody gets that but a few ones are actually lucky and blessed to get and immediately grab those.

Here is a short breath taking and thought provoking story that I read just now regarding Life’s chances.

The good old days.
The good old days.

It was their anniversary, and Julia was waiting for her husband George to show up.

Things had changed since their marriage, the once cute couple couldn’t-live-without each-other had turned bitter.

The fading shades of Love.
The fading shades of Love.

Fighting over every little things, both didn’t like the way things had changed. Julia was waiting to see if George remembered it was their anniversary!

As Love fades and Life changes.
As Love fades and Life changes.

Just as the door bell rang she ran to find her husband wet and smiling with a bunch of flowers in his hand.

The two started re-living the old days. Making up for fights, then was the plan for the dinner and it was raining outside! It was perfect.

Rain means resilience.
Rain means resilience.

But the moment paused when the phone in the bedroom rang.

Julia went to pick it up and it was a man. “Hello ma’am I’m calling from the police station. Is this Mr. George’s number?”
“Yes it is!”

Unexpected things happen.
Unexpected things happen.

“I’m sorry ma’am; but there was an accident and a man died.

We got this number from his wallet; we need you to come and identify his body.”

Julia’s heart sank.!!! She was shocked!

But my husband is here with me?”

Sorry ma’am, but the incident took place at 2 pm, when he was boarding the train.”

Julia was about to lose her conscience.

Sudden reactions.
Sudden reactions.

How could this happen?!

She had heard about the soul of the person coming to meet a loved one before it leaves!

She ran into the other room.

He was not there. It was true! He had left her for good!!

Oh God she would have died for another chance to mend every little fight! She rolled on the floor in pain. She lost her chance! Forever!

The feeling of loosing all you have.
The feeling of loosing all you have.

Suddenly there was a noise from the bathroom, the door opened and George came out and said

Darling, I forgot to tell you my wallet got stolen today”.


Second chance to dream.
Second chance to dream.

No one is promised tomorrow. Have a wonderful Life with no regrets!

Awesome Threesome

There are a few words that give you a short memory, a reminder, a glimpse of a specific person. That can be a line from a movie, a poem or any song. This particular poem gives me a glimpse of my Best Friend. I love the deepness in it’s words and thoughtfulness and the feeling of deep love that it is filled with. All of those things that it doesn’t say fully but conveys in an indirect hidden manner.

I know a girl,
When she smiles
The rain comes pouring down

A longer day,
I may stay my ground
Be drenched from head to toe

A younger age,
I may have a dream
That tells me not to go

A smaller town,
I may close my eyes
And see her once again

I know a girl,
When she smiles
The rain comes pouring down

Whenever I read this I am entrapped by the feeling that whoever wrote it, He or she had my Friend in mind. Her laughter echoes in my ears and a part of me realizes how blessed I am to have her by my side and how insignificant words may become when you are overwhelmed with immense love and affection.

In the following collection of pictures the first one on the left shows a weird face that she makes. She has a strange habit of making cartoonish strange duck like funny faces whenever she is hyper but whenever she does that I make sure to have it clicked at the right moment. The one on the right shows one of her childhood memories. She has never been in good terms with her studies and books (like me) so she seems gloomy while holding a pencil to complete her homework, this is one of the few childhood pictures of her that I really love. And lastly the bottom one on the left is her smile, one in a million, few of the fewer things in my life that I really adore.Fotor022311040Weekly Photo Challenge: Threes

Another picture of both of us holding eachother’s hands with our hearts held in. It was actually a bracelet with a heart that she gifted me a year back, Right now it is kept right in my side table and looks as beautiful as it has always been. 🙂OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Enhanced by Zemanta


During a seminar, a woman asked,

” How do I know if I am with the right person?”

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind
replied the author.

ImageHere’s the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
 want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything.That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.


Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.


People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, Imageeffort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know..
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.


Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!