I Fear the time when You will not be You…

Being humans we always have the fear of rejection when things don’t favour us and when conditions and loved ones turn out to be how we want them to, we are overwhelmed with the fear of loosing someone.

The things and decisions in life that mean alot to us are always accompanied by utmost uncertainty. I had all those things in mind when I wrote this piece of poetry.SavedPicture-201413115758.jpg

I don’t wanna be addicted to you,
To go through the same that I’ve been through,

I don’t wanna hear the way you speak,
Deep down my heart as your words sneak,
I don’t wanna be the one to go through,
Your echoes in my soul, when you are not you.

I don’t wanna see the way you look,
Your heeds, needs and the steps you took,
As I don’t wanna be the one to know,
How your eyes change, when you are not you.

I don’t wanna see your soft heart inside,
How it flatters, forcing me to confide,
I don’t wanna sense the affection in you,
As i don’t wanna long, when you are not you.

I admit the fact that people change,
With the wrath of time and growing age,
But I don’t wanna be addicted to you,
For I fear the time when  “YOU WILL NOT BE YOU.”


As bitter as I am

Thinking, thinking and thinking is one of those habits of mine that I hate. I often sit for hours when I am intended to do something but at the end the only thing I had been doing is just mingling with loads of THOUGHTS. Today, this time, this very moment I am stuck with the same thing. I think so much and at the end when it comes to speech or actions I am mostly just blank. This has been happening from quite a few months now.

antiI always have problems telling people how I really feel about them. Expressing love has always been difficult and so is maintaining a healthy and foregoing conversation. It often happens that I am blunt to such an extent that it resembles or is almost very rude. I notice and remember way too small details about people so I have to act dumb sometimes so I don’t freak them out. I don’t indulge and take part in  conversations between any mutual friend instead I just smile, My best friend says it’s rude that you are sitting right in the middle of a conversation and not even saying a word but how can it be rude when I am smiling?? I mean isn’t smiling considered as a part of a conversation?? Well my best friend laughs really hard on me and I still don’t get it.

When it comes to correcting people I become edgy and irritated after a certain period of time and when it comes to joking around with pals I turn out to be pretty much defensive on the inside but I often don’t show it. My best friend says I need to change a little bit for the people I love and care for, as they will never know how much I love them if I never show up or tell them. She says I utter bitter words at times I need to be a little bit sweet, I need to learn to greet people happily and object in a kind manner.

The exact opposite thing happened yesterday when I had to correct a dear friend of mine. He has a strange habit of comparing himself with everybody I like. I never wanted him to do it since he is different, he has a special place, a separate and unique existence that matters a lot to me. I tried and ended up somewhat like this.

Me: You know I don’t like one habit of yours at all.

He: What??

Me: Man why do you always start comparing yourself with others? I mean everybody is different in their own sense.bitter-beer

He: Hmm okay.

At that moment I realized that I was a bit too straight forward. I tried coping up
Me: What I meant to say was that everybody has their own different and distinct place.

He: Oh okay.

Me: Mmm I was expecting something other than this “Okay”.

He: What else??

Me: hah nothing. I am just feeling sleepy now so I gotta leave.

I couldn’t think of any other way to cope up and any other thing to say so I just tried quitting the topic for that time. My words were really quite bitter.

I told my best friend and as she said:

out You should have said that in a positive, sugar coated, in a kind manner. Like you should have told him that you admire him, you think he is different from everybody else so there is no comparison of him with anybody you like. Nobody can fill in his shoes and you simply don’t wanna loose him ever.

I wished I could have said it the right way or should have used the right words but it just happened. I can’t say it’s a slip of tongue infact I was just bound to my habit. A part of me was kind of disappointed and half embarrassed.

Daily Post: Write Here, Write now

Magical Blues

After several months of delay, finally yesterday I got a chance to visit the nearby art shop to buy my paint stuff. Initially I decided to buy water colours for sketching but I could not afford that since I do not get enough pocket money. Okay! It may seem like I am complaining but actually I am not. I know my parents are giving me THE BEST they can but since I don’t earn for myself so I am always deficient of the money thing. But over the years I have actually adapted and learned to cope up and live with whatever I have and I just thank my Lord enough for everything.

Anyways I saw water colour pencils of all shades and decided to buy a few as an alternative since they were cheaper and I had no doubt on the quality as well. Yet again I could not afford all of them so I just took a few shades of blue.

I am always very eager and excited to use any art thing that I buy so immediately after reaching home I started off with the blues. Just a rough piece of paper and a few sea waves.

The colours don’t seem pretty much obvious in the picture but I actually spent 2 hours while doing this all. I know 2 hours are just too much but I am quite a slow and thrift one in these things.

At the end, I like the way the waves look like. 🙂


I would never fail .. Because i won’t try

There are days of disappointment in everybodys’ lives. When I faced those days I couldn’t help myself more than just sitting alone and thinking for hours. I decided not to try ever again so I would never fail and never be disappointed.

If i didn’t try, I would never hope and never expect either. If I didn’t throw a ball, i would never wait for it to bounce back towards me. If i didn’t buy a lottery ticket, I would never fear to loose. If I don’t play then I won’t loose. And lastly if I never cleared my position in front of anyone I would never have the fear of rejection.I would rather prefer sleeping then 🙂anti uncle

In all of these thoughts I came up with this poem.

If i ever had a chance to discern,
To share how i really felt,
Nor the least would i try,

As my words are all in vain,
& my agitations.. All insane,
All my actions remain doubtful,
& every glimpse equally ambiguous,
So I may not be the right one to concern,

And I would never dare to discern,
Nor the least would I try…

As my actions can never be rational,
& u can never b the one to pertain,
To look inside … A heart insane,

That is why i would never discern,
Nor the least would i try…

I don’t demand you to permute your guise,
As a few sweet words is not my price,Your
revile, Your contempt & Your deride,
All forgiven,all forsaken & all aside,

But still i would never dare to discern,
Nor the least would i try,
For my words are all in vain & my actions equally insane….

What the Mirrors can never tell me?

Today as I started thinking about the question asked by Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror , I just smirked as I had nothing to say.

17344Firstly, I guess this question should not be asked from a girl. I mean normally what girls would see in the mirror??

Omg .. Another new pimple, my nose is so pointed, O my! I look so chubby, My hair look like wild bushes blah blah stuff.

Okay! Apart from all of these things I believe that one can never relate because you never truly know who you can be and what are you actually capable of. Once you’ve made your opinion about yourself, Life just sits back smiling sarcastically and knocks you down on your knees, then asks “What do you think now?”  The opinion that I made about myself stated that I couldn’t get up after that knock down but then I discover the coping and adapting ability within myself and finally I end up standing upright as if nothing has happened. Life gives you ample time and opportunities to explore yourself but there never comes a time when you can claim that ” You completely know yourself”.

The Mirror gives me a static image whereas on the inside I can only feel humble and jumble emotions, It’s just a total mess inside. I can’t relate, I can’t decide, I can’t debate and I can’t realize. A few months ago I was thinking about all of these things as I imagined how my life and I would be without this rush of emotions and I came up with this poem. All of my friends loved it so here it goes.


What would i be without my memories and wishes??

A rotten leaf , A discrete grief ,

A distant shadow , A provoked relief,

An empty soul , A deficient being ,

A comtist mind , Never truly gleeing ,

Yes ,my heart ; nor ruffed , nor agitated,

But my deeds ; never worked upon , never enumerated.

O’ me! This won’t be me.

So what would i be without my memories and wishes ??

A little girl that wanders throughout the day,

A young boy that died on his way,

A filthy specie , with agonistic satisfaction,

The indifference and the hearts fractionated,

The issues over thought and the dreams masticated,

The loose temper and the light within,

The drastic loss , the dear ones segregated,

The changing people and the burden of blames,

Old friends ; separate paths and different aims.

O’ me!

Forgetting all these traces won’t make me Me

So what would i be without my memories and wishes ???

A rusty shell ; undesirable , hence thrown,

An unnamed story , whose possessor not known,

A thorny path ; never known , never wanted,

A bunch of emotions ; never blessed , never granted.

O’ me!

This won’t be me.

So what would i be without my memories and emotions???

Yes .. I won’t be  “ME”  without my memories and emotions….

You have to pay for PATIENCE ..

A “Long time no see” shout out to my blog. I’ve been thinking of writing from several days but as always, the old habit of procrastination of mine and half because my new semester has just started and I am trying very steadily and reluctantly to cope with the new study patterns.

There are a few lectures which always give you a hard time, whether that be for listening,understanding or comprehending. And this course of Industrial Pharmacy is just another addition to those list of lectures. Anyways so here I sit on one bench of my lecture hall, vain enough to listen to what the lecturer has to say and just busy in my own World of thoughts, analyzing the events from the previous Saturday.

handLiving in a home with four other siblings all of which are school going, while the first one has to go attend her college function, another one has to go attend her evening classes, another one has to go to the nearby gaming club to play tennis, and another college orientation blah blah blah — It has always been a mess. Despite the fact that I hate waiting, I still always have to wait for even hours and I try my level best just to be patient, patient and patient because the worst part is that you can’t even complain to your parents as they are of the view that ” One has to cooperate with her siblings, we should adjust the timings within ourselves etc etc”
And yeah, I admit that they are right because off-course five separate cars cannot be brought for all five of their kids.Okay! so here I am — cooperating and cooperating. I don’t wanna sound like I am complaining, but I do admit that nobody else does that cooperation thing except my youngest sister.

Anyways starting with the story, At that day I was supposed to reach my friends’ place till 5pm sharp. Since my friend lives near by University and it’s far away from my home, so I always have to depart early from home. We were supposed to leave at 4pm because my driver had to drop my younger sister on our way for her evening classes. My sister was out to attend her college orientation and I strictly instructed her again and again not to be late. Finally the time came, the clock stuck 4, then 4:10, then 4:15, then 4:20, but my sister was still not home. I waited then called her and then again started waiting. Lastly, I heard the horn at 4:35pm, I could steadily feel anger and stress rolling down my nerves. I knew now I won’t get there on time as I rushed towards the front door. Suddenly i heard my brother shouting.

” Wait ! Wait ! Just 5 minutes, I have to go along for tennis.horrorwwww

Me: No way! You can go play tomorrow. You haven’t even changed yet and I don’t have time to wait again now.”

As I approached the car what I saw was my sister’s friend sitting beside her. To my surprise my sister brought her friend along so that we could drop her as well, although she knew that I was getting late. By the way my sister looks like this 😛 Lol.. Just kidding it is just a random picture which looks pretty scary.Back with the story, So now I had to wait for my brother first, then drop him to the nearby gaming club, followed by my sister’s friend, then drop my sister and last will be my turn. Now I could feel anger growing and flowing with my blood.

I inquired my sister, ” Why are you that late? ” , she replied “They were not letting us out.”

Me: Come on! Why would they do such a thing, you people are not even their students yet.

she explained, “They didn’t let us out till it was 4:30pm”.

I exclaimed “Stop lying. Professional Colleges don’t do childish stuff like this, you people are not in kindergarten.”

She tried to make an excuse,”No there was full hustle and bustle there and everybody was in such a rush.”

I replied,”So what? Haven’t you ever been to a crowdy place? Was it the first time of your life?.”

She said abruptly, “You can ask my friend.”

Me: Why would I? Do I seem like a kid to you? I have studied in colleges and I still am. You knew I was waiting ans still you didn’t come on time and here you are, making lame excuses right in front of me.”
Her:I have already told you how that was and now I am just least bothered to explain. I don’t care whatever you think after this, I am just least concerned.

Me: Yeah! Just because you can’t come up with another story now.


I am quite aware of the fact that kids don’t like being scold in front of their friends but I just did that without thinking because I could not hold my anger.My sister is a type of person that would hurt herself and then would just start crying over what she has done.Image

I wanted to ask her why she has brought her friend along but I didn’t (P.S I already knew that her friend belongs to a wealthy family and has no transport issues) , May be because my anger did not drive me out of my senses at that time. I knew that her friend would be uncomfortable if I said something and my words may ruin the bond of friendship that they share. But still my anger grew as I saw my younger sibling lying and then arguing over her own mistake. Finally I uttered,

“But the driver is gonna drop me first because you were late.”

She replied rationally,” No way! You just have to go randomly to your friends’,but I’ll get late for my class”

Me: “You are late already, and you made it that way.”

She replied loudly and arrogantly,” Think whatever you wanna, You can go check it all for yourself and I’ll see how the bloody driver drops you first.”

Hearing these words, my frustration and anger was outraged and knowing that the driver is standing nearby and my sister’s friend is sitting right next to me, I still started shouting
“Do I seem like a bloody Bastard to you that I will go back to the College just to check? Do you see Bastard in “bold letters” written on my forehead??”.

She replied calmly,“Seems so.”

I replied immediately,“Sorry , I don’t roam around with your forehead attached to me.”

Nobody said a word after that. She and her friend were amazed at how I reacted and so was I. I couldn’t think of anything else so I didn’t argue or tell the driver to drop me first, I preferred staying quite instead. We dropped our brother, then my sister’s friend, then my sister and finally I reached my friends’ at 6:00pm – a whole hour late.

I never react like that on anything. I have always been very patient in this regard, At least that’s what my driver says.

“My daughter! You always wait for hours for everybody. You have always been very patient.”

But what happened that day? I still can’t decide why I reacted that way? May be it’s because there comes a time when your patience speaks for itself. When you do not react for a long time, there comes a time when you react additionally for all the previous things for which you have never reacted. Your reaction may be abrupt and irrational as well but you are justified in your own sense. Aggression for a long time turns into exaggerations and these exaggerations may blur your vision, slur your speech and may cause you to overlook the events.

When you bury your anger, your words for a long time within you there comes a time when you have to pay for your own patience, The words you utter after that are devastating, They can make people forget all that you’ve done for them. YES! I agree that patience is a noble virtue but only within certain limits. You should not be that patient that others start thinking of you as a cold-hear-ted one. I know if my friend is reading this right now she would start lecturing that I should act upon whatever I am saying over here.

But Alas! It’s all in my nature and I can’t change it. Today I think if I ever had a chance to make my nature by myself, I would never be patient, I would be naive, I would be outspoken, because I know I can’t be like this throughout my life.


During a seminar, a woman asked,

” How do I know if I am with the right person?”

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind
replied the author.

ImageHere’s the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
 want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything.That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.


Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.


People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, Imageeffort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know..
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.


Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!

Summarizing Life

No other words can be used to summarize Life
” a few words unspoken ,
a few wishes ungranted ,
a few feelings never expressed ,
a little love , soothing affection ,
a little truth never spoken ,
a little request ; never made ,
a little mistake ; never admitted ,
little qualities , little deeds ; never appreciated ,
little words ; unheard ,
little lies ; torn into pieces ,
the little signs ; never noticed ,
little letters ; never written ,
the mails unread ,
the calls unanswered ,
the little deeds of love ; always taken for granted ,
the little issues ; unsorted ,
the relations ; never admired ,
the little whispers always ignored ,
the closed ones ; always forsaken ,
the emphasizing moment ; always passes by ,
the golden sayings , the kind words , the beautiful phrases , the humble teachings ; all forgotten ,
the little tears ; never truly seen ,
the true faces never seemed familiar ,
the little scars ; never removed ,
the hatred inside; never discarded ,
the blues ; never taken off ,
the little shadows ; never stopped following ,
My people , my world , my friends , my relations … never appreciated and never thanked for them “

The Horse Show

Although I’ve not been currently involved in any of art related activities so far mainly because of my exams and chiefly because of my mood swings you can say.I decided to share some of my previous sketches.
Drawing horses has always been challenging.Their thigh region,their muscular structure and their belly is not as easy to get right at the very first go. I had a hard time drawing their belly,I erased it for like more than ten times before I was satisfied.

This site mentioned in the end has been a tremendous help to every feature and every posture of the horse I desired to draw.Okay so this has been the first sketch so far.I like it and I had the same image in mind while making it.


Another one that I made was a total mishap.I didn’t like it and it did not turn out to be exactly how I wanted.The main idea was to draw a unique horse posture so I selected two horses in an upright galloping position as indicated in this picture.


I tried to make a few changes in the faces and the posture but Alas! not too good. So i entitled it as “So afraid of Making mistakes”.



Although my sketch didn’t come out to be up to that mark but still I am sharing it because I think you should share your mistakes as well with your achievements and capability in your work.


And lastly here is a collage of Eight different horses in different postures. It involves horses in real life and a few ones from fictional characters like the Pegasus and the Unicorn.



I have only used 2B,4B,6B and 8B pencils and no charcoal.

For guidelines I have referred to this site:http://www.elfwood.com/farp/horses/horses.html

Special Thanks to the Fears

As I lie silently all covered with my blanket right after midnight, I felt like a sudden urge to write something.Getting up and grabbing a set of pencils and a notepad was actually more troublesome than the writing itself since it’s winters here and in these days everybody is so in love with the warmth of their blankets.Anyways I wrote a piece of poetry sort of a thing.

Sometimes when I write,a part of me feels that I am not blunt enough on my point and nobody is actually gonna get what I meant exactly.I felt like this especially on this specific part of poetry.


They said humans have roots,
I tapped my feet hard on the ground,
So I laughed and giggled,
Until I had a storm within me.

They said your roots make you stand upright,
I broadened my chest arrogantly,
So I laughed and giggled,
Until I had the faith shaken within me.

They say with hollow roots you fall with the wind,
I jumped sarcastically with the wind,
So I laughed and giggled,
Until I felt something knocking the spirits within me.

My trembling hands and the bleeding heart within,
The shaken soul encountered all Fears with a grin,
My fears made me feel my roots exist,
My mind had doubts,but they still persist.

Like plants they are competent,yet weakened but have all that I possess,
So Mr.Fear my spirits,my will and my faith are not as easy to suppress.