Tag Archives: love

Into the ‘Past’ as I Reflect

What the Mirror shows from ‘Past’.

You guys randomly start talking one day on the phone.
He compliments you & tells you that you sound pretty & cute.
He asks you about your past relationship & you ask him about his.
You then share & tell him more stories about your past & he tells you about his.

He starts flirting with you & you start flirting back.
Then he asks you for you to meet and you planned it right away.
He tells you he has fever but he would still come to meet you.
He had fever he was sick but still he stood waiting for an hour just for you.
He said he knew you’ve committed so you’ll come.

Soon talking to him becomes a part of your daily routine & you wait for him everyday to text you.
Whenever you receive something from him, you start smiling & your day instantly becomes better.
He talks to you daily asking how your day went.
You talk to him all night & he always asks if you are tired & if you want to go to bed.
The night conversations you have with him are always the best & the deepest.
You sleep when he sleeps & he sleeps when you sleep.
Now he wants to meet up & hangout with you.

When you meet up with him, you feel even more chemistry with him & you feel butterflies in your stomach every time you talk to him.
Now you tell your friends how much of an amazing guy he is & you are interested in him.
Soon he confesses that he is interested in you & you tell him we are just friends.
You like his reaction whenever you make him realize that we are just friends.
It gives you a clinge of how much he wants you.
You feel like you’re the happiest girl alive & the feeling is so strong between you guys.

You spend whole days and nights thinking of him and imagining what he would have been doing now.
He always tells you before hanging up the phone “Just take care of yourself”.
He tells you to have some rest whenever you tell him about your regular kidney pain.
And you tell him to please just stop smoking.
He says he tried and will try again.

He tells you again and again that many girls are after him.
Then hours and hours are spent listening to the stories of other girls.
You realize that he is doing that on purpose.
You get irritated but just would never show.
You thought about doing the same to him but just couldn’t.
There could not have been any other guy that you could even imagine … Except HIM.

He criticizes the nudity promoted in the films.
He says he denies to be a part of the crowd.
You consider him different and had no doubts.

You get annoyed when friends tease you by his name.
Still you smile just because it’s His name.
You never tell him how you actually feel.
You realize “Denial is another form of acceptance”
Just because you fear that you’ll loose him some day.
You start ignoring him just to escape from what you feel.
He is amused, disappointed; but just vain enough to ask.

The ignorance is breaking you from inside.
He stops putting effort into talking to you.
You think he is angry because of what you did.
He stops telling you to take care of yourself.
And responding positively when you tell him not to smoke.
You cry at nights, you’ve never felt that way.
You used to laugh at the love birds in school and see now you deserved to be laughed upon.

Benedict Smith

Your friend is sick and tired and one day what she did.
Without even telling you, she called Him and told him all.
Your phone rang that night and you did not have the courage to talk.
It rings and rings again. Yet again and again.
He would never give up.
You picked up and had no words.

He asked “Why did you do that?”
As you said “You told me we are just friends”
“No, you told me this way… I LOVE YOU”
You would reply “Me too”
He said ..”What you too?? I wanna hear you saying it all”
“I’VE LOVED YOU SO MUCH AND STILL I DO”, you had a difficult time saying that.
The night passed in thinking and you consider it one of the best nights of your life.

You talk happily for hours and you wonder how time passes when he’s around.
He tells your friend he’s afraid your family wont like him.
You just smile …. Yeah he looks cute you think.
He asked you one day “If you loved me then why you never seemed jealous when I discussed other girls?”
You would just smile and tell him you knew he had been criticizing them all long.
If he was interested then he wouldn’t have discussed them as a joke with you.
He laughs and says “You are smart”.

He suddenly stops texting you first.
When you guys talk now it’s only because you hit him up first.
He would start argumenting quite often.
It became more often these days.
Things changed & you don’t understand what unexpectedly happened.
He doesn’t show that he still wants to be with you.
He would call once in a week and just talk about sex.
You try to change the topic but he is still clinged to the same.

You are afraid of the lust in his voice.
He never seemed that needy.
You are afraid that he can do anything to get what he wants.
He shows no interest in you or your relationship.
Every time he talks its just about sex and nothing else.

You become extremely clingy & you don’t know what to do.
You can’t help wondering what went wrong.
You ask him if anything is wrong & he tells you that everything is fine.
Then you start thinking he’s mad at you for something you did,
but he assures you that you need to relax & everything’s okay. He tells you that he’s just been busy
. So you wait for a while & nothing is changing.

He’s still “busy” all the time & he doesn’t even try to talk to you.
Now every time you talk to him except sex it becomes an argument.
& you get scared that you are being annoying for hitting him up first, so you stop talking to him.
Months pass, & you don’t talk to him at all.

You never know what happened from his point of view.
Because of him, every night you’re hurt & upset.
You don’t know what went wrong in the relationship between you two.
  You miss the old person he used to be & you don’t even know what he has changed into.
He tells you not to post on his Facebook as his family would make an issue out of it.
You feel strange but its just that you trust him blindly.

One day you see that he has a new girl in his life.
He’s calling her cute names & everything he used to tell you.
He calls her baby & tells her that he thinks she’s beautiful.
He smiles and laughs while she kisses him.
He has no problem when she writes on his Facebook.
He seems completely fine without you now & he has someone else to talk & text to every day & night.
You refuse to believe that he played you, but it’s true.

You just say nothing and walk away silently.
Because “Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing is the same”
You’re still hurt &  everything you do reminds you of him.
You can’t stop thinking about him & you cry every night when your thinking about him.
You watch the sky and tell GOD that
“I have been a sinner .. Forgive me for all that I thought and all that I do”

You’ve changed it all.
You don’t consider any guy different now.
You don’t let other people govern yourself and your life.
You don’t let other people know hoe you feel.
You live your own life.
You do whatever your mind says is good for you.

“Because whatever is meant to be will happen anyways”

Weekly Photo Challenge: Reflecting


Cause a hundred veils to fall…


 This is Love …
To fly towards a secret sky,
To cause a hundred veils to fall each moment,
First to let go of Life …. Finally, to take a step without feet..

– Rumi

I wish for a Sunday

Sunday Blues.

I wish for a Sunday spent carelessly in bed,
All time to myself and no chores on my head,

I wish for a Sunday not spoiled by my books,
I wish for a Sunday with no thoughts and no looks,

I wish all the Sundays with pantaloons and tops,
No guests, no poems, no exceptions and no stops.

I wish all the days to be like the Sundays …

Coincidental Warmth

So it has been a year since I started blogging or I guess even a few months more than that.
Initially I was kind of regular in writing and updating things but eventually due to shortage of time I just couldn’t. Now I visit this blog not much frequently and I post just occasionally.

From day one it was just kind of a coincidence that whatever I used to write or paint/sketch was somehow related to the Writing or Photo Challenges.
And since then it has been a series of consecutive coincidences .. Whatever I write or draw is linked to the Weekly Challenges.
I like it this way 🙂

This time I am just flashing back at one of my previous sketches. Again a sunset because sunsets are simple and the best indication of warmth, beauty, hope, determination and diminishing disappointments.
The idea behind this sketch was just the glory of mother nature .. a huge tree and that’s it. Simple and short.

But in the process I eventually started adding yellow, red and orange .. finally making it a sunset again.

In the making ….
Fianlly ....
Fianlly ….

Yeah …  so fond of making sunsets.

Weekly Photo Challenge : Warmth

Yes I talk to a TEDDY BEAR..

It was my 19th birthday when my best friend gifted me a teddy bear … a big pink one holding a heart which says ME TO YOU .IMG_4928.JPG

Sitting silently in my room as I glanced at it probably for the one hundredth time. It was cute and most of all it was very special. Through all my childhood I don’t remember loving teddy bears and toys but this one … it’s not just a Toy.

Waking up in the morning as I read those words again with a sudden feeling of joy leaning through my heart .. I LOVE YOU… ME TO YOU.
I chuckled slowly holding it and placed it right in front of me and slept again. Soon sleeping with that Teddy Bear became a habit.

All left to dry :)
All left to dry 🙂

Whoever said this said this right:

“It’s not the places and things that are special but it’s the people who make them special.”

This was when I washed my teddy bear and hanged it out to dry. 😉

A gloomy day when I had so many things to cry for and so many things to share, so many complains and so many memories to tear. Disappointed with my self and with all the ones dear. So many regrets and the anger which makes it worst.
I know he is just a Toy, I know he is not even a he .. it’s just a bundle of cotton. But there are times when you just need someone to confide. He can’t listen he can’t respond but I kept whispering things to him with a strong feeling that he understands somehow.

I am 21 and I still talk to a teddy bear .. I still sleep with a teddy bear because I LOVE HIM.

All jam packed. How do I look?

A few months ago for some reasons we had to shift our home apparently a few miles way from where we previously lived. The process of packing and unpacking things, the great hustle and bustle, the workers, the half shifted furniture, the empty house and everything .. overall it was a complete mess.
I packed my teddy bear specially in a sac so that he won’t get much dirty. Although he was like a bit dirty already but anyways.
After one day of shifting the process of unpacking and setting things officially begun. Starting with the kitchen, the bedrooms, the sitting area etc. In all this mess the minute things in the rooms, locks and drawers were still left so I took a three days off from my college in order to wrap up things at home.
Even after three days the main things were done but tons of tiny chores were still left. I did not set my cupboards and drawers but I was lazy and tired enough to do that. Moreover, in all these days of holidays piles of work was left and I was seriously lacking behind. For a week I kept running for my incomplete work, the journals. the assignments and stuff.
Finally after two weeks I decided to set up my cupboards and the side table stuff. Clothes on the right cupboard, shoes on the left one, hangers on the right again and books on the outer one. Files in the lower right and painting stuff in a separate box, sketchbooks on the racks and writing material all complied in one notebook.

 There was no sign of the teddy bear anywhere.
Not upstairs.
Not downstairs.
Not in any other room.
Not in any pack.

From that day till today I can’t find my teddy.
and yeah getting a new one was never an option.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Gone, But Not Forgotten

Creative ZigZags

From a long blogging gap to a sudden urge to write, to create, to express.. Here I try writing again. Like I mentioned in the previous post that my creativity is taking a long nap these days and unfortunately it’s nap isn’t just over yet. Again whenever I pick up a pen words just don’t come up … Anger, frustration, gloom and uncertainty all mingled up. I can’t write and I am not in a mood to do even the little things that I used to love before.

What is that?
Why is that?

Well I can’t just write much so I just decided to post something for the Photo Challenge.
With these zigzags I remember a random painting that I made about 7 years ago.
These were just random brush strokes just to finish up the last remains of Glass paints, Poster paints and Water colours that I had so that I could buy the new ones. Yes … I am greedy in terms of Art and Craft stuff.
I have even used Nail paints in this painting .. Yes I know I act like a lunatic at times. So finally I succeeded in making a mess out of a plain white paper of my old sketch book.

Here goes the fine strokes of Glass paints.Fotor080204346And for the final one.

ok 002Weekly Photo Challenge: ZigZag