Tag Archives: Myself

Favourites of an Introvert- Beware Eagles ahead

Hola,

Today yet again I share the same statement as I do before everything I post. Okay, so I haven’t been able to post for the past seven months blah blah blah (fill it in yourself 🙂 ). This time it wasn’t my studies, exams or mood swings (i hate to say that) so, I had been terribly ill (ground breaking/ shaking illness as I call it) for the past six months straight. A rather contagious illness actually, I’ll be discussing it in the next post this week since this post isn’t at all about that. So, no writing, sketching and painting for the past months however, a previous work that holds immense value to me would be shared here.

After several rough patches, physical and emotional breakthroughs and misery finally, I am back on my track and have started doing and enjoying things i used to do before. So presenting an eagle sketch on sketch paper. Dark charcoal on paper (cant recall the dimensions.. oops!). 

This one is among the very few sketches which didn’t take much time and were made instantaneously. Moreover, with this (and many more other things) I believe that the things done and decisions made instantaneously are often more rewarding than those with long term planning. (Trying to work on it in my life as well.. lets hope so).

savedpicture-20131228134921
Eagle Hunt
savedpicture-2013122813499
savedpicture-20131228134921
..

Weekly Photo Challenge: 2017 Favourites

Advertisements

Mental Suffocation- Our proud Heritage

Heritage.. well..

When I first read the word and it’s association with ancient buildings and such stuff through daily post, it didn’t strike me much honestly. I couldn’t link heritage to places and moments for that particular instinct instead I had something else in mind.

The first thought that popped in my mind was what actually is my heritage?

Heritage may not be essentially a positive entity representing you or passed on to you. In my case I believe it’s mostly negative or there can be a probability that I prefer focusing on the negativity only. We (that includes me and my two younger siblings) share the view that we have inherited some psychological traits from our family tree. Well.. that includes passivism, passive-aggression, introvert-ness, submissiveness and mental suffocation. I don’t know what mental suffocation means to you but I comprehend it as a semi-deliberate act of piling things up (things you dislike) in your mind and heart until it just explodes one day. One possible reason for such traits can be that my fore-family have gone through financially as well as socially challenging times hence perpetuating such characteristics within them. Anyway, things are way better now with my maternal and paternal aunts and uncles. I remember my father telling me that back when they used to live with my grand parents, negotiation was just a matter of imagination only. There was no concept of sharing interests, experiences and advises, instead everybody was distant and busy with their own activities.

We as siblings, on the other hand, had our differences and remained distant until I was like about 17 years of age. Soon after that we started sharing things and realized that one way or the other we all possess the same level of mental suffocation passed on by our late family. Things that you think wrongly but would never expose. Passivism that takes hold of your mind and gradually darkens your heart and soul. It was then that we decided that no matter what we’ll share, we’ll negotiate and sort things out. No matter how much we fight we won’t stab each other in the back. No matter how many differences we have, we will never disclose them in front of a third person.

There are bad days, huge arguments at times but we still get through. All three of us are very different people on the outside yet concealed, difficult, enveloped and suffocated on the inside. We have bad temper, a roller coaster of mood swings and passive-aggression…. Anyhow, we still manage each other pretty well 🙂
(At least that’s what I believe and I would absolutely like to believe)

With the same thoughts mingling in my mind, I wrote this about more than a year ago.

image1
The mind speaks louder.

Never have i dealt with anyone more difficult to know than myself,
Never have i heard a sound more difficult to hear than my own,

 Before you or after you — all mere excuses,
Before you, I saw the apparent colors of realm,
After you- I learned to hear the colors within me, 
 
But never have i seen colors intermingled as those within me,
And never have i read a mind as fickle as mine may be.
 
I’ve seen people bleed,
With everything they do they bleed emotions,
And emotions taking over, with everything they do,
 
But never have i seen a heart as detached as mine,
And never have i seen a bleed more hollow than mine,
 
I’ve seen tears spill,
The eyes all wet,
And as people cry with every failed try,
 
But never have I seen an eye more dormant than mine,
And never have I heard of tears more ghostly barren than mine.
 
I know the power of words,
And the beauty that they hold within,
I know the wounds just tongue can heal,
 
But never have i seen the words more un-avid than mine,
And never have i heard a Scream more Silent than mine,
 
Never have I dealt with anyone more difficult than myself..

Into the ‘Past’ as I Reflect

past
What the Mirror shows from ‘Past’.

HIM
You guys randomly start talking one day on the phone.
He compliments you & tells you that you sound pretty & cute.
He asks you about your past relationship & you ask him about his.
You then share & tell him more stories about your past & he tells you about his.

He starts flirting with you & you start flirting back.
Then he asks you for you to meet and you planned it right away.
He tells you he has fever but he would still come to meet you.
He had fever he was sick but still he stood waiting for an hour just for you.
He said he knew you’ve committed so you’ll come.

Soon talking to him becomes a part of your daily routine & you wait for him everyday to text you.
Whenever you receive something from him, you start smiling & your day instantly becomes better.
He talks to you daily asking how your day went.
You talk to him all night & he always asks if you are tired & if you want to go to bed.
The night conversations you have with him are always the best & the deepest.
You sleep when he sleeps & he sleeps when you sleep.
Now he wants to meet up & hangout with you.

When you meet up with him, you feel even more chemistry with him & you feel butterflies in your stomach every time you talk to him.
Now you tell your friends how much of an amazing guy he is & you are interested in him.
Soon he confesses that he is interested in you & you tell him we are just friends.
You like his reaction whenever you make him realize that we are just friends.
It gives you a clinge of how much he wants you.
You feel like you’re the happiest girl alive & the feeling is so strong between you guys.

You spend whole days and nights thinking of him and imagining what he would have been doing now.
He always tells you before hanging up the phone “Just take care of yourself”.
He tells you to have some rest whenever you tell him about your regular kidney pain.
And you tell him to please just stop smoking.
He says he tried and will try again.

He tells you again and again that many girls are after him.
Then hours and hours are spent listening to the stories of other girls.
You realize that he is doing that on purpose.
You get irritated but just would never show.
You thought about doing the same to him but just couldn’t.
There could not have been any other guy that you could even imagine … Except HIM.

He criticizes the nudity promoted in the films.
He says he denies to be a part of the crowd.
You consider him different and had no doubts.

You get annoyed when friends tease you by his name.
Still you smile just because it’s His name.
You never tell him how you actually feel.
You realize “Denial is another form of acceptance”
Just because you fear that you’ll loose him some day.
You start ignoring him just to escape from what you feel.
He is amused, disappointed; but just vain enough to ask.

The ignorance is breaking you from inside.
He stops putting effort into talking to you.
You think he is angry because of what you did.
He stops telling you to take care of yourself.
And responding positively when you tell him not to smoke.
You cry at nights, you’ve never felt that way.
You used to laugh at the love birds in school and see now you deserved to be laughed upon.

SavedPicture-20143191039.jpg
Benedict Smith

Your friend is sick and tired and one day what she did.
Without even telling you, she called Him and told him all.
Your phone rang that night and you did not have the courage to talk.
It rings and rings again. Yet again and again.
He would never give up.
You picked up and had no words.

He asked “Why did you do that?”
As you said “You told me we are just friends”
“No, you told me this way… I LOVE YOU”
You would reply “Me too”
He said ..”What you too?? I wanna hear you saying it all”
“I’VE LOVED YOU SO MUCH AND STILL I DO”, you had a difficult time saying that.
The night passed in thinking and you consider it one of the best nights of your life.

You talk happily for hours and you wonder how time passes when he’s around.
He tells your friend he’s afraid your family wont like him.
You just smile …. Yeah he looks cute you think.
He asked you one day “If you loved me then why you never seemed jealous when I discussed other girls?”
You would just smile and tell him you knew he had been criticizing them all long.
If he was interested then he wouldn’t have discussed them as a joke with you.
He laughs and says “You are smart”.

He suddenly stops texting you first.
When you guys talk now it’s only because you hit him up first.
He would start argumenting quite often.
It became more often these days.
Things changed & you don’t understand what unexpectedly happened.
He doesn’t show that he still wants to be with you.
He would call once in a week and just talk about sex.
You try to change the topic but he is still clinged to the same.

You are afraid of the lust in his voice.
He never seemed that needy.
You are afraid that he can do anything to get what he wants.
He shows no interest in you or your relationship.
Every time he talks its just about sex and nothing else.

You become extremely clingy & you don’t know what to do.
You can’t help wondering what went wrong.
You ask him if anything is wrong & he tells you that everything is fine.
Then you start thinking he’s mad at you for something you did,
but he assures you that you need to relax & everything’s okay. He tells you that he’s just been busy
. So you wait for a while & nothing is changing.

He’s still “busy” all the time & he doesn’t even try to talk to you.
Now every time you talk to him except sex it becomes an argument.
& you get scared that you are being annoying for hitting him up first, so you stop talking to him.
Months pass, & you don’t talk to him at all.

You never know what happened from his point of view.
Because of him, every night you’re hurt & upset.
You don’t know what went wrong in the relationship between you two.
  You miss the old person he used to be & you don’t even know what he has changed into.
He tells you not to post on his Facebook as his family would make an issue out of it.
You feel strange but its just that you trust him blindly.

One day you see that he has a new girl in his life.
He’s calling her cute names & everything he used to tell you.
He calls her baby & tells her that he thinks she’s beautiful.
He smiles and laughs while she kisses him.
He has no problem when she writes on his Facebook.
He seems completely fine without you now & he has someone else to talk & text to every day & night.
You refuse to believe that he played you, but it’s true.

You just say nothing and walk away silently.
Because “Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing is the same”
You’re still hurt &  everything you do reminds you of him.
You can’t stop thinking about him & you cry every night when your thinking about him.
You watch the sky and tell GOD that
“I have been a sinner .. Forgive me for all that I thought and all that I do”

You’ve changed it all.
You don’t consider any guy different now.
You don’t let other people govern yourself and your life.
You don’t let other people know hoe you feel.
You live your own life.
You do whatever your mind says is good for you.

“Because whatever is meant to be will happen anyways”

Weekly Photo Challenge: Reflecting

From “Mariyaah”

Heya,
Hola,

I hope the letter reaches you in the best of your health and spirits. As a part of me is saying that, the other knows it ain’t true and it won’t happen anyway. After sitting for hours looking at the “New post” section I though of writing a letter to you. Just a thought crossed by that you may need it. I know for a fact that you are occupied by a strange hollow feeling and you may be too full to hear any more advises. You might be too tired of praying and repeating things which hurt you over and over again. I believe right now, you might not be in a right mood or state of mind to listen and consider over my requests.

But hey, do you remember how I were always “all ears” whenever you wanted to say something? 

Do you remember your words “your writings” who stood by you whenever you were too full to express through your tongue?

Do you remember how these hands of yours were all following your mind when you wanted to write any poem anew?

Does your mind comprehend how the colors fell right in their position when you took out your brush to paint?

Did you concede how your mind helped you open ways to your heart when you wrote “Am I a Hesitant Poet”?

330.jpg
You are the beauty of nature.

Yet I know you must be thinking that a few words, a few poems and a few paintings aren’t enough to describe you as a person as your apparent lean fingers are the only thing the world sees.

What would be the use of a mind full with words when what they see is only your messy curly hair above it?
What would be the benefit of a tongue so subtle and quite when only what they see is the apparent face hiding it? 
What would be the worth of a helping heart if only what they see is the body covering it? What value exactly would a submissive soul have if what they see is the mere shortness of length on top of it?
Do souls have height?
Do you need to have a long-heighted soul to be more conspicuous?

……

Contrarily, my dear they say it doesn’t matter how people see you; the thing that matters is actually how you see yourself. Well, now you must be telling me in return that these are mere Facebook quotes meant for only delusions. But okay I agree with you my dear, okay I admit.

Now If you could just do me a favor and give me just two minutes out of your precious time. Okay I assume you agree. Close your eyes for a moment and answer bluntly what I ask.

How long will other’s opinion about you tends to last?
Yes, until they are around you.
Okay, a “Temporary” phase.

And now, How long will your opinion about you tend to last?
Yes, until your last breath.
So, we may not be wrong if we called it a “Permanent” phase.

In between both these lines my dear, is where you are standing. Move to your own zone and your own mind. Let not the eyes of others blind you and your thoughts for you know you have worked much on yourself and lived the worst of your days all by yourself. These lean hands, the short body, the fickle mind and this ambivalent heart were all which always stood by your side. Let not the words of other refrain you from feeling pride in your own possessions. For I believe what is yours is yours and even after a little scratch only you will be the one feeling pain. So, hold tight on your possessions- loyalty starts within yourself first and see how the rest feels then.

Regards,
Mariyaah.

(A deliberate attempt by me to myself just to make me take care of me :D. I’ve never been a person who is fair with herself but it never bothered me the way it does now. Some mood swings and some allergies which will now have to be managed permanently. I believe I am not coping with my allergy quite well instead it is making me quite edgy as I can’t speak properly because of it. Anyhow, just started off with a random post but the end yeah now, I kinda like what I’ve written. Feeling happy about this post yeah yeah :). Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye)

Daily Post: Temporary

Fear- our driving force

Heya everyone who is reading now or will read my content anytime after.

It was long ago since I read this quote by Khalid Hosseini. I can’t actually say from which book of his is the quote taken as I am not done with reading all of them (Although I hope to do it one day soon). Anyhow it says;

“They think they live by what they want. But really what guides them is what they are afraid of. What they don’t want.”
– Khalid Hosseini

As jigsawed as it appeared initially, the more meaningful it tended to be afterwards. The danger of confronting your worst fears is actually what keeps you running in life. If I look at myself it has always been like that. A year from now I remember sitting in my office and thinking of loosing the friends  I was attached to, and the mere feeling was enough to give me goosebumps. And here I am now a year later, distant from all that I thought was conspicuous to me.

Five years ago, as I sat in my university lecture hall, thinking that I can never be stupid enough to fall victim to any mutual attachment. And here five years later, I am fallen fickle-minded and in deep ambivalence. Well … the post got too depressing I guess (accept my sincere apologies). The central essence is that you always always are destined to meet the danger of your worst fears and you still continue to live no matter what. (It is like that for me but I hope things can be opposite for others).

Thinking of the same things one night I just jotted down a few words- a poem actually.

047

Hoping to write about you one day,
What always held me back was fear,
Yeah… fear.

For I fear you’ll ace all my regrets,
and stand atop of all flaws I possess,

You’ll be a throbbing pain I feared,
Whose remembrance causes agony and guilt,

I feared starting to give you much worth,
For I may make me loose my worth.

Alas! little did I know whether I write or not,
It’s your worst fears that you always have to confront,

The most dreadful fears of yours are the ones you are bound to face,
Thus…. Here I am. 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Danger

As Difficult as Myself …

Enveloped and Enclosed .. Shelled .. Concealed.. Imprisoned

Enclosed .. Enveloped .. Imprisoned
Enclosed .. Enveloped .. Imprisoned

In the time that we live in, nothing can be more enclosed and enveloped than our own heart, our mind, our thoughts, our desires and ourselves.

Talking about myself as my Father sarcastically describes me ,”Concealed, shelled and Introverted”. Yeah things are like that from the beginning. And as I’ve mentioned here again and again that expressing things is something that I am really really not good at. Being like this feels good but yeah I am a hell difficult of a person to know and understand. I am hell unpredictable in terms of temper and expressions.

I’m now in Final year of my Pharmacy School and according to my fellows they still could never know much about me. They face difficulty in figuring out my expressions and  to them it was initially an unexpected thing that I do feel upset about little things which do not affect others.

Well, this uncertainty of mind and unpredictability in behavior is even alleviated in times of stress (which I am in from a couple of days), whether it be self created or just God-gifted. I do believe in self-created problems, exaggerations and stuff and I do believe that I make them too. Somebody once said it right … “Life is all just a matter of Perception”.

Yeah and there are a few things that change your perception.. the way you take things, the way you look at them, the way you interpret them and the way you think about them whether that be optimistically or pessimistically.

Imprisoned within you.
Imprisoned within you.

One way or the other we all are prisoners of our hearts and minds. Our soul was set free by the Creator but our thoughts are still captured and entrapped within ourselves. I feel this within myself. A huge mingled puzzle within my mind .. entrapped and constantly flipping between whether its “Yes” or “No”, in everything that is due and everything that is not, everything that is mandatory and everything that is not, everything that is to be valued and everything taken for granted, everything to be remembered and everything forsaken and for everything that is imposed upon me by myself.

I am my own prisoner and my own owner as I see.
I own myself but still I retaliate.
I work for myself but yet I work against my own. 

Never have i dealt with anyone more difficult to know than myself,
Never have i heard a sound more difficult to hear than my own,

 Before you or after you — all mere excuses,
Before you, I saw the apparent colors of realm,
After you- I learned to hear the colors within me, 
 
But never have i seen colors intermingled as those within me,
And never have i read a mind as fickle as mine may be.
 
I’ve seen people bleed,
With everything they do they bleed emotions,
And emotions taking over, with everything they do,
 
But never have i seen a heart as detached as mine,
And never have i seen a bleed more hollow than mine,
 
I’ve seen tears spill,
The eyes all wet,
And as people cry with every failed try,
 
But never have I seen an eye more dormant than mine,
And never have I heard of tears more ghostly barren than mine.
 
I know the power of words,
And the beauty that they hold within,
I know the wounds just tongue can heal,
 
But never have i seen the words more unavid than mine,
And never have i heard a Scream more Silent than mine,
 
Never have I dealt with anyone more difficult than myself..

An Honest Self … A simple Life

When I think about myself… Me as a person. I am not overwhelmed by the feeling that I am someone who’s extraordinary, someone who is on top of everyone and everything.
I think of myself as an ordinary person. An ordinary person who is not a part of the crowd but still ordinary in her own special way.
The ordinary people that you see along your way out home, I am one among them.

I am short yeah I mean just 5 feet. I am lean yeah just approximately 40kg, whenever I stand on the weighing machine the stupid pointer is just stuck on 39..39.2…39.5..but not more than that. I stand there putting all my weight on my feet hoping that somehow the pointer will strike 40 but nooo it doesn’t. So let’s just say I am 39.5 kgs and being a girl I don’t mind disclosing my weight. I have black curly hair which kind of piss me off at times. I have big eyes and I rub them a lot, no matter how much I try not to do that again I always end up doing the same. If not at day time I do that unintentionally while sleeping. The doctors say it’s kinda dangerous but tch I can’t help. I have a nut head which hurts all the time, yup the frequent headaches. I have a nose that works only when I have flu, and yes never forgetting the two ears that only hear things when I am in the midst of my beauty sleep to offer maximal disturbance and waking me up at the end. I have 29.25 teeth.. Yeah I mean it seriously I just counted them now, not by looking in the mirror although I felt like doing that but still. The 28 normal teeth plus one half wisdom tooth at the upper left one half at the lower right, a quarter at upper right and just a thorn like tooth thing at the lower left .. It hurts and just pricks my gums again and again especially when I am about to eat something I like.

Anyways … The thing that makes me me … May be its the simplicity and honesty that I thrive for. I am honest with myself but yeah I can be brutally honest at times. This specific poem that I wrote about months before, I believe it’s a complete depiction of me as a person and my little life and preferences.

IMG_4688.JPG

Of all my life that I have,
A page to write, a friend by my side,
A simple self, an empty pride.

I make rules and by them I abide,
When they become harsh; by my pen I hide.

I don’t dream the way girls do,
I throw them all with every morn,
For I don’t dream what I can’t fathom,
As I don’t play and I don’t betray.

Yet with open eyes I may have a dream.
Yes I have a dream .. Yes! I have a dream,
For I would have till the end of this life,
AN HONEST SELF ….. A SIMPLE LIFE .

Weekly Writing Challenge: Digging for Roots

The Crazy Things I Do..

Heya,
Starting it all … i am tired, actually way more than just tired. It’s like you don’t work much and you still feel exhausted … mentally exhausted.
Too much of mind work I know.
So here I decided to pour all the mental exhaustion in one post.. Yeah a bad idea I know but still.

The Photo Challenges fascinate me and like I always do after long blogging breaks .. just starting again with the Photo Challenge.
Emmmm … Achievements.
Practically the word “Achievement” can have variable meanings for different people. It basically depends on the goals a person sets for himself.
For a person like me who is not much purpose oriented, the word Achievement means the tiny little things I do in my little world.

meA sketch that I make,
A poem that I write,

The exposed wire.
The exposed wire.

A fine painting
And even a great blog post.

When it comes to my belongings I am a person who keeps all the things saved for years and years. And yeah a few things get extraordinary attention ; my cellphone, my music player and earphones.

I loved the earphones that I had from the past year or so but apparently due to excessive usage the attachment from its main lead got loose and the inner wire was exposed. That simply meant that they were not going to last long.
I particularly loved those earphones because they are kind of curved or somewhat semi-inverted ear pieces that would fit perfectly in your ears .. A perfect match that gives your favorite music a sense of completion.DSC03759

Here as you can see the little bit inverted perfect ear pieces.

I did not actually wanted to loose this particular piece so I decided to apply my own tiny little tactics and see if they work or not ..

Absurdity.
Absurdity.

Yes I actually planned on mending just an earphone.

Sounds insane ..
Yup I know ..

I know I could have bought a new one but it’s just that sometimes you just don’t wanna replace a few things because you like them.

At the very beginning I didn’t even know what to do with this thing.
I just had a scotch tape and white glue and that made no sense at all …

Adjoining it with scotch tape was seriously of no use .. because it would not have lasted for more than a week maximum. And same goes with glue.
The glue and tape would have made the things worse as I keep my Walkman in my college bag which is like constantly dragged by me and my friends along with us everywhere from the morning till the evening so whatever the mending thing I had to do had to be firm enough to persist for at least the next few months.

After several minutes of thinking I remembered that years ago I bought a Double Tape which I never used after that. It is a more thick and more tough and binds more firmly as it’s both sides are sticky. I started tying it around theexposed and protruded wire.

New Ideas.
New Ideas.
Process.
Process.

This part was kind of time consuming.

Securing Ahead.
Securing Ahead.

I had to cut tiny bits of tape again and again so that the pieces join adequately and are sticked properly to the exposed wire.
Since both the sides were sticky so I decided to secure the outer side with simple tape.

So Done.
So Done.

The final shape and look after securing with tape goes somewhat like this.

But again this wasn’t something that I was much confident and satisfied about.

At this point I couldn’t think of anything else that I could do to it further or anything else which I could have possibly done instead of this.

Yeah.. I admit the fact that it looked ugly but the thing that made me even more uncomfortable was that Alas! after so much time it’s still not firm enough.

Splitting.
Splitting.

I started roaming around randomly in the house. After several hours in search of something useful I came across an old earphone that belonged to my sister. Apparently it was not in working condition and it had a black rubber around its main lead. That gave me an immediate solution and I tried to take that rubber off the lead. After several tries I realized that there’s no option except just cutting that rubber off into halves.

Then I pulled it over my own earphone and to my surprise it seemed all in vain.

The rubber was way too small and couldn’t constitute the lead of my phones.

The utmost disappointing moment it had been.

DSC03776
The upper side.
DSC03778
The lower side rubber unfits.

I could have secured it further using any tape but I didn’t wanted it to look messy.

The disadvantage of using normal tapes in these things is that it ultimately looses its stickiness. It’s never long lasting in my case.

I was thinking of something to tie this rubber up but again that would have given a messy touch.

After several minutes of searching I found my old hair bands that I bought once and didn’t use afterwards.

Yes .. I mean the hair ponies.

Yes .. Hair Bands.
Yes .. Hair Bands.

I am planing to mend an earpiece with hair ponies.

My idea worked really well.
The mending was well placed, firm and even more than satisfactory in my opinion.There was no messy look.

All set.
All set.

No tape marks on the front.
No stickiness from the glue.
And even after that much bending and turning the phones were still in perfect working condition which I doubted that won’t stay this way after my poorly assembled mechanical tries. 🙂

Yes .. I know among all of this nothing was actually necessary. I could have gotten a new one immediately but I just loved my previous one so I preferred working on that.

I won’t let you die man”
“I won’t let you die that early”
As I uttered to myself and the phones again,
I can be insane at times and at others i can be one hell of an rational person but that’s actually who I am.

Insanity is an essential component of everyone’s personality and whoever says there is not even a bit of insanity in him/her simply hasn’t known himself truly yet.

That was an achievement for me. 🙂
An insane one… These are some of the crazy things I do. 🙂

Weekly Photo Challenge: Achievement

Here goes the final one.
My music player … It has been with me since 4 years now and I love it.
(The song is Monster by Imagine Dragons .. A must listen)

Monster - Imagine Dragons.
Monster – Imagine Dragons.
My Love.
My Love.

I am NOT an Elegant Person …

There are a few rare days in my life when I think about myself because normally i DON’T. These times are mostly after midnights or a lil before the sunrise when like always I am trying my level best to sleep but just can’t. May be I have insomnia but the culprits are the “Thoughts” that come all the way unwanted and uninvited.
Anyways this is all what I think of myself, combined and composed in something which you can call a poem.

I am not an Elegant Person.
I am not an Elegant Person.

I am not an Elegant Person,
I am not a Pearl from inside,

I am not a door to Heavens,
I am not a fate’s betrayal,
I am not a spring’s affection,
I am all the Leap days that didn’t happen.

I am the tongue; swollen from being too mute,
The ears; numbed by too much silence,
The Doors unhinged, by too much hiding,
A silent prayer that somebody once whispered.

I am not an Elegant Person,
Yet I am NOT what happened to me,
I AM WHAT I CHOOSE TO BE….

Enhanced by Zemanta