Escaping from Myself …

I am often overwhelmed by the thought that I am not what I was supposed to be, what I always thought of myself, how I wanted to be as an adult. Life is quite simple and it’s only me who says it’s So Not Simple. I was born and taught the few basic rules and guidelines, I was educated and told how my God wants me to be and how my Parents want me to be.

I think of myself as somebody who has forsaken everything, taken every blessing for granted and never thanked and valued the love that I’ve got. As I transferred all the thoughtfulness and a bit of regret on a piece of paper, it turned out to be something like this:

Escaping from who I really am,
As the world could never know,

Refraining from all that I desire,
As these eyes can never say,

Buried all the tremors inside,
As their touch would make me weak,

Hiding behind the walls of glamour,
As I forgot that He knows it all,

Loving you was just an escape,
And betrayal, an excuse… A second escape,
Another escape from who I really am,

As the world could never know,

Running away from all the prickly sins,
As my darkness would kill me inside,

Living inside a shell enclosed,
As I ignored how He told me to be,

Ruling my own philosophy of life,
As I forgot what I was meant to be,

Forsaking my own purpose of existence,
.. Alas! I lost the real ‘Me’…

 

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4 thoughts on “Escaping from Myself …

  1. Very strong emotional evaluation going on here… it’s wonderful to contemplate so deeply, like you are holding a mirror up to your soul! Bravo! Without this effort, no change can take place. Keep it up! ;^)

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      • Yes, it was the change within that I was thinking of, too. I have the same stuggles, I’m an introvert, too, and spend too much time thinking… but there’s a question here of self discipline when we have to keep moving – action is always better than inaction, point yourself in the right direction and just keep putting one foot in front of the other – the change will come because you already know you want it! ;^)

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