Life with Tuberculosis- Where is Home?

They say,
“Home is where your heart is”

Many sayings, quotes and proverbs can be found regarding the definition of home.
Its not necessary that your heart is at one place instantaneously. If I could have coffee with you I would tell you that I could never decide where my heart is and where lies its DOOR.
After the initial three days of hospitalization, the hope of going back home soon, ended and the following days were marked by considerable mental symptoms of Tuberculosis. Loss of orientation, loss of direction and loss of interest.
It was like your body is on the hospital bed, your heart partially at home and partially at the puckering pain the IV drip had to offer you. Depression in Tuberculosis patients is common, in fact very common and probably the core reason can be social isolation associated with the disease.
Now that I think about it I come to a realization that Pulmonology department had been my second home.

 

During my stay there, I developed a unique association with my doctor. For him I probably would have been a normal patient but he meant something more than a doctor to me. A comforter or an emotional home to get me out of my psychological burdens. Being a pharmacist myself, yet I was fully dependent on his opinions for everything.

I remember going to him randomly with the silliest of excuses just to hear a few nice words from him. He would always tell me they would proceed only the way I want, they would treat me my own way. I knew that it would not be possible for him as he is the Pulmonologist and I can never have adequate knowledge as he has. But those words meant a lot to me. Going for my regular checkups from Isolation ward soon became exciting just because he was there.

And then I remember running up to him one day when I couldn’t stand the pain, just on the verge of crying as I exclaimed,

“I just wanna go home now, I don’t wanna stay here”

He knew I would soon burst into tears so he asked why and waited till I could compose myself. After considerable time when he thought it was right he pointed out:

“You can go home whenever you like. You can do as you please”

And after that day, HOME never seemed like just an ordinary word for me. ‘Home’ was never boring again.

 

The stigma attached to the rebel– Tuberculosis is devastating. Many researches have been made on this stigma and discrimination associated with Tuberculosis.

No matter how strong you are it can break you into pieces you can not fathom at once. But eventually, you will get through. The key is to take one step at a time, be subtle, be gentle with yourself and be considerate towards your growing emotional needs. I pray for healing for everyone.