Life with Tuberculosis- Where is Home?

They say,
“Home is where your heart is”

Many sayings, quotes and proverbs can be found regarding the definition of home.
Its not necessary that your heart is at one place instantaneously. If I could have coffee with you I would tell you that I could never decide where my heart is and where lies its DOOR.
After the initial three days of hospitalization, the hope of going back home soon, ended and the following days were marked by considerable mental symptoms of Tuberculosis. Loss of orientation, loss of direction and loss of interest.
It was like your body is on the hospital bed, your heart partially at home and partially at the puckering pain the IV drip had to offer you. Depression in Tuberculosis patients is common, in fact very common and probably the core reason can be social isolation associated with the disease.
Now that I think about it I come to a realization that Pulmonology department had been my second home.

 

During my stay there, I developed a unique association with my doctor. For him I probably would have been a normal patient but he meant something more than a doctor to me. A comforter or an emotional home to get me out of my psychological burdens. Being a pharmacist myself, yet I was fully dependent on his opinions for everything.

I remember going to him randomly with the silliest of excuses just to hear a few nice words from him. He would always tell me they would proceed only the way I want, they would treat me my own way. I knew that it would not be possible for him as he is the Pulmonologist and I can never have adequate knowledge as he has. But those words meant a lot to me. Going for my regular checkups from Isolation ward soon became exciting just because he was there.

And then I remember running up to him one day when I couldn’t stand the pain, just on the verge of crying as I exclaimed,

“I just wanna go home now, I don’t wanna stay here”

He knew I would soon burst into tears so he asked why and waited till I could compose myself. After considerable time when he thought it was right he pointed out:

“You can go home whenever you like. You can do as you please”

And after that day, HOME never seemed like just an ordinary word for me. ‘Home’ was never boring again.

 

The stigma attached to the rebel– Tuberculosis is devastating. Many researches have been made on this stigma and discrimination associated with Tuberculosis.

No matter how strong you are it can break you into pieces you can not fathom at once. But eventually, you will get through. The key is to take one step at a time, be subtle, be gentle with yourself and be considerate towards your growing emotional needs. I pray for healing for everyone.

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15 Comments

    1. It is actually quite soothing to hear these words “I can understand” :).
      Thank you for your consideration and thank you for writing to me Janet.
      I really appreciate your prayers and would love to checkout your blog anytime soon.
      Till then, Happy blogging to you from my side

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hi Mariyaah, I’d like to start off with saying after reading your posts that you are such a strong person! Sickness can be such a draining thing, but how we deal with it says a lot about our character. I hope that you are feeling better, and I hope that your strength remains intact. I really love your writing style, it has so much depth!
    Wishing you a speedy recovery,
    Kay

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Heya Kay,
      I am feeling much better and comments like yours, fill my heart with gratitude. Thank you for your time and patience. I wish strength, peace and healing to you too. Stay blessed.
      Much Love,

      Mariyaah

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Mariyaah, it was so moving to me to read about how it feels to have tuberculosis. We are working on this disease in our lab, but we don’t have any contact with patients, so it’s amazing to hear your side of the story. I wish you a full recovery and hope you can go home soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the wishes and thoughts.
      Tuberculosis patients are highly prone to depression and related disorders mainly due to the social stigma associated with the disease. That is why in most cases of drug-resistance TB you would find a clinical psychologist or a psychology ward coupled with the TB ward.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sounds like a good idea. I can imagine having had this experience as a patient will make you an even better doctor (since you are a med student). It’s great that you’re writing about it.

        Like

  3. My cousin had tb.
    Six months of solid care, a few hospital visits, and he is well, hale and hearty and the father of a 4year old girl.
    God is good Mariyaah. Especially during this auspicious fasting period. Chin up, be strong, you are a winner.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kindness mate, it warms my heart to the core ❤
      Unfortunately I have extensive tuberculosis for which mere six months would not be enough.
      But indeed God is all good and merciful. Thank you once again for popping by and writing to me.

      Much Love ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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