A dedication to all the words that cross your mind during dark days. A dedication to your endless reluctant and hesitant tries to console yourself, to the hopes developed out of the most hopeless situations, and to yourself when you really were by the wrath of time. When at the end it is between YOU and Yourself….
A person lost within me ,call her name she might respond, Tell her she has a home, she might look beyond,
Tell her bad days always pass, Tell her bad dreams don’t last, Tell her its not always the night, And at the end the sun will rise,
Tell her the Aayah as she may please, “Indeed with every difficulty there is ease” (Al Qur’an 94:6) Tell her there is a cure for every pain, And an apology for each disdain,
Tell her it’s all up to you, Just to test what you do,
‘You might stay firm and let the storm move past, or You may loose yourself and depart with the storm at last.’
The painting used in this post was just a random painting that caught my attention in my college library and later on I found it to be one hell of a perfect interpretation with reference to my context.
It is by an artist named Haroon ben Abid .I find this painting, the vibrant colors, the true artistic virtues, the expressions and the silent message it gives .. all very deep and impressive.
You can check out his other paintings and sketches at his Facebook page linked below.
Aaah … so here I am. Back to my beloved blog after a long time. It’s been months since I have practically written an elaborate post. Almost like 3 months.
Things have been pretty much hard on me and honestly speaking I’ve been harder with myself as well. Three consecutive months of exams, I’ve not been sleeping well,eating well, just confined to my bedroom and my bed. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve had a nice long conversation with anybody; my siblings, my friends or anybody. For a few months I felt as if life is imprisoned in a few books and my bedroom.
I was never the sort of a person who would take exams or anything in life seriously but I seriously have no idea what happened this time. I was
worried, I was hell tensed and most of all I was agitated . The exams are finally over and it has been over 2 weeks but yes … I am still surprised at my attitude. I am still edgy and my lack of interest in everything surprises me. During my exams I planned a whole TO Do List after the exams but now … I don’t feel like sketching, I don’t feel like painting, I don’t feel like Writing … Yeah a big NO to writing.
It’s just that whenever I pick up my pen I don’t feel that pace, that rhythm of words that I used to feel before.
Mostly at night I feel like writing but it’s just that words are not in good terms with me these days.
For a person who is not expressive, who doesn’t speak at all and then starts expressing everything through writing. Then suddenly the words say a huge “Bye Bye!” , That puts a lot of burden on your heart seriously so yeah… Things are not going good with me.
I have had constant headache for the past month because I didn’t sleep well at night partly because of my exams and mainly because I am having massive sleeping problems for a couple of months. Normally a headache is nothing new for me … More or less I feel like I tame them or may be they tame me.
Still I don’t sleep well, my backbone hurts everyday, I’ve lost more weight. Plus nowadays I am hell angry at everyone.
I’ve fought with my siblings more than twice in this week and countless times in the previous month. I scold my brother on every tiny little thing and he just passes by without saying anything. So in short I am turning into a full time Evil Lady… Oh! No no no, not a Lady just an Evil young girl .. The word Lady seems old.. I wanna stay as a kid throughout my life, I don’t wanna grow up.
I was always considered as a “Happy Go Lucky” person but Gosh! This time?? … I am seriously surprised and I dunno what?
I get offended by little arguments. I consider every joke as a disrespect to myself. I can feel fear growing within myself. I feel like no matter how much I pretend not to give a damn but still there is something inside me which says I am sensitive to people’s attitudes.
And honestly I don’t like this new edgy and sensitive version of mine.
There are days of disappointment in everybodys’ lives. When I faced those days I couldn’t help myself more than just sitting alone and thinking for hours. I decided not to try ever again so I would never fail and never be disappointed.
If i didn’t try, I would never hope and never expect either. If I didn’t throw a ball, i would never wait for it to bounce back towards me. If i didn’t buy a lottery ticket, I would never fear to loose. If I don’t play then I won’t loose. And lastly if I never cleared my position in front of anyone I would never have the fear of rejection.I would rather prefer sleeping then 🙂
In all of these thoughts I came up with this poem.
If i ever had a chance to discern,
To share how i really felt,
Nor the least would i try,
As my words are all in vain,
& my agitations.. All insane,
All my actions remain doubtful,
& every glimpse equally ambiguous,
So I may not be the right one to concern,
And I would never dare to discern,
Nor the least would I try…
As my actions can never be rational,
& u can never b the one to pertain,
To look inside … A heart insane,
That is why i would never discern,
Nor the least would i try…
I don’t demand you to permute your guise,
As a few sweet words is not my price,Your
revile, Your contempt & Your deride,
All forgiven,all forsaken & all aside,
But still i would never dare to discern,
Nor the least would i try,
For my words are all in vain & my actions equally insane….