Aaah … so here I am. Back to my beloved blog after a long time. It’s been months since I have practically written an elaborate post. Almost like 3 months.
Things have been pretty much hard on me and honestly speaking I’ve been harder with myself as well. Three consecutive months of exams, I’ve not been sleeping well,eating well, just confined to my bedroom and my bed. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve had a nice long conversation with anybody; my siblings, my friends or anybody. For a few months I felt as if life is imprisoned in a few books and my bedroom.
I was never the sort of a person who would take exams or anything in life seriously but I seriously have no idea what happened this time. I was
worried, I was hell tensed and most of all I was agitated . The exams are finally over and it has been over 2 weeks but yes … I am still surprised at my attitude. I am still edgy and my lack of interest in everything surprises me. During my exams I planned a whole TO Do List after the exams but now … I don’t feel like sketching, I don’t feel like painting, I don’t feel like Writing … Yeah a big NO to writing.
It’s just that whenever I pick up my pen I don’t feel that pace, that rhythm of words that I used to feel before.
Mostly at night I feel like writing but it’s just that words are not in good terms with me these days.
For a person who is not expressive, who doesn’t speak at all and then starts expressing everything through writing. Then suddenly the words say a huge “Bye Bye!” , That puts a lot of burden on your heart seriously so yeah… Things are not going good with me.
I have had constant headache for the past month because I didn’t sleep well at night partly because of my exams and mainly because I am having massive sleeping problems for a couple of months. Normally a headache is nothing new for me … More or less I feel like I tame them or may be they tame me.
Still I don’t sleep well, my backbone hurts everyday, I’ve lost more weight. Plus nowadays I am hell angry at everyone.
I’ve fought with my siblings more than twice in this week and countless times in the previous month. I scold my brother on every tiny little thing and he just passes by without saying anything. So in short I am turning into a full time Evil Lady… Oh! No no no, not a Lady just an Evil young girl .. The word Lady seems old.. I wanna stay as a kid throughout my life, I don’t wanna grow up.
I was always considered as a “Happy Go Lucky” person but Gosh! This time?? … I am seriously surprised and I dunno what?
I get offended by little arguments. I consider every joke as a disrespect to myself. I can feel fear growing within myself. I feel like no matter how much I pretend not to give a damn but still there is something inside me which says I am sensitive to people’s attitudes.
And honestly I don’t like this new edgy and sensitive version of mine.