The more I think about today’s question the more an image, past glimpses surround me, it’s like a screenplay revolving time to time within my head. There are a number of songs which remind me of the good times and precious moments in my life, But I can never forget this specific song and the memory track associated with it.
It was back in my school days and was in 12th grade. My Best Friend was the head of the Proctorial Team in our school and due to that she had many responsibilities. She had to look after every issue, every problem and every task imparted upon her by the head authorities. She is naturally very caring so eventually it seemed that she is more of a caretaker to the whole of the school. Initially I never seemed to care, we used to spend quality time together and that’s the only thing that was important to me. But after a certain time things began to change she became more devoted to her work and both of us started compromising on the time we used to spend together. Hours became minutes and minutes were not even there. The time we used to share, now she shared it all with her chores and I shared them with my thoughts. Eventually my thoughts transformed into aggression whenever I saw her working without even giving a damn to where I was.
It is not easy for me to replace people I love. I don’t get attached to people easily but when I do, there is no going back then. So I couldn’t hangout with anyone else although I had a huge group of friends. Even if somebody insisted me to come with them I always had my eyes and mind reaching and searching for her. Okay I know that at this point I seem more of a lover but yeah! I am like that for the people I love. I was possessive, overprotective (which I still am) and hell angry.
My anger emerged out one day when I was waiting for her after off-time, outside the school sitting in my car as I watched the tick tick of my wrist watch. Half an hour passed but she didn’t show up (P.S. we used the same transport). My anger and anxiety level grew as I show the gate again and again. Finally she showed up and at her first glance upon me, she knew that the day could not have been any worse than that. It’s not that I yelled, I screamed, I broke her head or I pulled her hair. It’s just that I said NOTHING. When I am outraged I don’t utter a single word. She says that is the worst punishment for her.
As we drove towards our homes I knew that she would try to convince me throughout the way, so I picked up my music player and played a noisy upbeat song that would prevent me from hearing her voice. I played Boulevard Of Broken Dreams by Greenday, I felt the loneliness inside as the lyrics say:
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I’m the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a…
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there would find me
Till then I walk alone
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah
I felt myself screaming and singing the song from inside my heart as I passed by the empty roads. I knew my friend was constantly calling me Butttttttttt I was angry. She came closer and rested her head on my lap, I tried pushing her off but she is bulky and I am a tiny skinny soul 😛 .She has strange ways of convincing me whenever I am mad at her. It was all busy thinking when suddenly she stopped moving and she didn’t push me or called my name after that. For a moment I was blank. Then I checked her and realized:
Holy Shit! She has fainted.My friend suffers from asthma by birth and she has certain panic attacks at times. Whenever it happens her condition surprisingly becomes better whenever I am around and our parents are quite aware of this thing.
I told the driver to rush towards the hospital as I tried to console her and cursed myself again and again. I informed her parents and they reached the hospital before we could. Her condition became stable and I went back home.
That night was the longest night ever as I sat behind and thought about the happenings of the previous day. I deleted The Boulevard Of Broken Dreams so that I can never hear it again, and never be reminded of that night.
The past has turned out to be sooo long although, after completing my assignment today I didn’t feel like typing but still. I guess that’s what I can call Blogging addiction.