There are a few things that I can say “I hate”, but yes I can’t say that I am not agitated by anything at all. The thing I hate the most is “disappointment”. I know that sometimes people may suffer because of how they judge people without knowing that what they’ve been through. But honestly speaking I myself have been through a lot; Life has changed from shines to rust and no matter whatever you do you just have to live with it. Being disappointed, degrading yourself would never ever solve any sort of a problem. I believe in “resilience”.
Being a keen observer, a listener and an elder sibling I often have to listen to ungrateful stuff. It’s okay I admit that I do say that but I never loose hope from my Lord. My younger sibling is immature and hence very emotional at times, often exaggerating and indulged in Self Pity. I have mentioned the whole story in a previous post “Poor Me” Syndrome… Here at my Home. After that situation I decided just not to try convincing her to anything like that.
It’s okay .. Lets just think that there is a person in the whole world who claims that nobody loves him at all. Okay let I be that person, so let’s say “Nobody Loves me” ( Even if it turns out to be true but still I don’t like the very sound of complaining in this manner).
Can saying that loud make me feel any better?
Does it give me any hope? Any indication ? Any motivation?
Does that give me any positivity? Any sign how I should be?
I mean does that make more people love me? I feel that this even makes me hate myself.
This would make people pitying me and even me doing the same to myself.
That just makes me feel more and more miserable.
That would never make me realize that there might be something in me that needs to be changed. Okay I don’t mean to sound that you need to change for the world but believe me a few people are really worth it. They are worth every effort that you put in. (Although I haven’t changed that much for those who are worth it but still I am trying).
What I really meant to say was that these few words can lead any person to a phase of utmost disappointment. I believe that disappointment kills every quality and every bit of positive energy that you inhibit, whether that be your will,your strength,your dignity,your way of thinking, your way of interpreting things and your overall way of living. It blocks the room to improvement and progress. When God has made every Being equally worthy, even the little animals and birds are worthy than who the hell are you to degrade yourself like that?? ( I am sorry if it sounded more like emotional and angry but this is how I feel right now).
My younger sibling often uses this sentence: “Nobody Loves Me” and I am just left silent. Sometimes it just happens that your heart answers but still your tongue doesn’t even move. Another day my friend said the same, although I replied but as usual I couldn’t say what I actually wanted. Sometimes it’s like you have so much to say so much to explain that you just can’t decide where to start, and after silent considerations finally you just decide not to start and say anything.
In any relation that I have, I always hate just reminding them again and again that I exist and I am right here. I used to say this a few years back, “I don’t need such people whom I have to tell and remind again and again that see I exist. If anybody needs me they should know it right away. Otherwise I just don’t need such a relation and I don’t care whatever that relation is then.”
Now whenever I think about it that seems more like an egoistic approach. Sometimes a few people forget your existence but you still can’t let go because may be there’s your fault as well in there somewhere. Or the people are just too precious to loose. But answering such things have always been difficult — really difficult actually. I couldn’t think of anything else except just to write so I wrote this:
I wanted to be an exception; when you said nobody loves you,
Felt nothing but deception; as you said nobody loves you,
I know that words change when gloom is inside,
But sometimes few words reveal what you always hide,
I know the issues matter, No matter how small they may,
I know some people say, What they never wanted to say,
I still wanted to be an exception when you said nobody loves you.
Felt nothing but deception as you said nobody loves you.