This is probably the second time in this week when i am granted with the title of a selfish,mean,impossible,rock hard and cold hearted person.
Firstly by my mother and secondly by a dear friend.
Well the interesting part is that deep inside somewhere they know that i am not this way, and deep inside somewhere in my mind I also know that it’s all because of my reluctance in speaking.
Moving on to the story… A week ago I had an argument with my mom, although I always try my level best not to misbehave but still i was rude. I did not talk to her after that because i knew she’s angry with me. She didn’t seem bothered by my silence but i wanted to converse with her the way we always used to.
Two days passed and i would always see her laughing and giggling with my other siblings,giving them goodbye hugs on their way to school,greeting them whenever they come back home,scolding them with humorous comments,making fun of the way they dance,the way they eat. I waited and hoped that she would notice me on one corner of the room but she didn’t.
4 days passed and we were not in talking terms with each other.
Now my thoughts started wandering here and there. I began to think
Whether my mother really needs me or not??
When she is perfect and happy with all of her other kids then what is the point of me being here??
Am i really that worthless??
She never gets angry with anybody like this,then why only me??
Nobody even tried convincing her for me??
While I was in the midst of all my exaggerations somebody from behind me patted on my shoulder.
Yes!!! It was mum.
“O mariyaah! How cold hearted can you ever be.” she exclaimed loudly “You haven’t talked to me since 4 days. I do agree that people have differences at home but does that mean that they stop talking to each other??? “
I was left with no reasons and no answers. “I could never tell you or anybody how unwanted actually I felt.. But i wish i could discern” I thought to myself since i could not tell her how i looked forward to her to show up every minute. Silence is not an ultimate righteous attribute at times but i couldn’t say a word because i knew if i try then i would start crying right away.